Tag Archives: English

I Dream of England

Jerry was snoring

In bed in New Hamphire.

“Zzz” was the sound from his head.

Gerald was snoring

In the Hampshire of olde,

And onlookers heard “Zedzedzed.”

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Intro to International Business

To effectively communicate

Online in Japanese

You must memorize 2,000

Unique symbols called Kanjiis

As well as two whole alphabets

One-hundred seven letters each.

These are the fundamentals

And the first things people teach.

To converse online in English

Is an entirely different tale…

Just memorize the following:

“Like,” “Your mom,” and “Epic fail.”

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Criminal Justice 101

For those who aren’t aware,

Jail and prison are not the same.

To help remember which is which

You can play this little game:

If you piss off any cop

You’ll go to a jail cell.

If you’re either poor or black

You’ll go to prison as well.

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Quotidian Composition Vitiates…

People say that grammar

Doesn’t matter any more,

That vocabulary’s useless

And english is a bore.

What they do not realize

Is that the word you tried

Might turn a social program

Into massive genocide.

Take this proposition:

“Our mayor, Jim Metcalf

“Will, by 2025

“Cut homelessness in half.”

What a lovely world we’d have

And what a peaceful street

If Mayor Metcalf’s plan above

Was ever made complete!

Alas, the words they wrote instead

Were, “Mayor Jim Metcalf

“Will, within the next five years,

“Cut homeless people in half.”

To some, there’s nothing different.

To some, this sounds just fine

Until you realize just how

The Mayor crossed a line

Because the homeless person

Who was once in Bradley Square

Now has his legs on Main Street

But his torso’s over there!

Stop the death and carnage

And salute the grammar nerds,

For only you can save a life

By choosing proper words.

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Wear Love Blossoms?

Yew are the tree that sustains me.

U turn the sick to the well.

Ewe are so warm and so fluffy.

I love you although I can’t spell.

You’re poem touched me this evening.

Your the only one I think of now.

Their’s somewhere I know and soon they’re we’ll go

But let’s stick to spoken poems for know.

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Bugging Out

There once were a fly and a flea

Who were healthy and lived in a tree,

Then they flew in a flue

And contracted the flu

And decided to, from the flue, flee.

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Perhaps?

“Maybe Baby” is an overused rhyme,

So said my love, May Bee.

But I said, “Maybe, May Bee, my baby,

“But be that as it may,

“Maybe let ‘Maybe Baby’ be as it may be.”

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Do It Already!

Close my eyes and listen

To the gently falling rain,

Wishing all the while

That you, dear reader, will refrain

From noticing the fact

That I made a mistake,

For this poem is a command.

What a difference “I” can make…

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Which Is Worse: English Spelling or This Poem?

There once was a man from Saigon

Who needed to mow his lawn.

He saw someone wan

And asked “Genghis Khan?”

But it was just his neighbor, Sean.

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Aye Aye, I! I Eye i^i Eyes, I Eye i^i “Aye Ayes,” and I Eye I’s i^i Eyes Eyeing i^i i^is With I’s i^i “Aye Aye” Eyes, Aye. I?

English is funny; Take the word “ship”

Which can mean a variety of things…

It can mean a big boat

That can carry other boats

Or other miscellaneous bling.

Therefore a ship who ships cargo

(Oh yeah, ship is also a verb)

Can ship ships as its cargo

(Or so is said as a ship-shipping blurb).

“Ship” can also be used

To describe imaginary romance

Where two hypothetical characters

Want to get in one-another’s pants.

In this sense, the word shipping

Is creating the romantic “ship,”

But could also mean that you think

The prospect of shipping is hip.

So if you like to like the idea

Of a romantic relationship between

A cargo delivery vehicle who delivers ships

Falling in love with a similar machine

You ship shipping ship-shipping ships shipping ship-shipping ships,

And that is grammatically correct.

Yes indeed, English is funny

But deserves at least grudging respect.

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