Tag Archives: English

If You’re Reading This Enthusiastically, You’re Missing The Point

Happy happy happy.

Joy joy joy.

Yippee yippee yippee.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy.

I can’t wait. I’m excited.

I’m overwhelmed with wow.

If you think exclamation marks are dumb

You do not think so now.

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See Also: Guillotine, Quinoa, Otorhinolaryngologist

Worcestershire and Draught

Were about to get married,

In love for the rest of their life

But the priest looked upset,

And said “I am sorry

“But I can’t pronounce you, husband and wife.”

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I Promise To Make Other People Swear To Tell The Truth…

Doctors take the Hippocratic oath;

That’s what my teacher said.

On the test I wrote “Hypocritical oath”

But that’s what lawyers take instead.

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Two Useless English Bits

The top of the list of what shouldn’t exist

But exist they continue to do

Would probably be the letter C

But I think it should be the word “queue”.

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…Or An Astronaut

I want to be the director

At a news station some day

So when a line of gnus appears

I am the one to say:

“Lights… Camera… Action”

But moreso than the views

I want to say I was the one

Who cued queued gnus news.

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Your Vocabulary Word Of The Day Is…

Sometimes it can be tough

To deal with all of your stuff,

And so the path that seems easiest

Is to be an eccedentesiast.

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Funnier If You Read It Wrong (Is That “Read” Like Read or “Read” Like Read Though?)

There once was a bass who played bass

Who wondered “Is it pronounced vase or vase?”

His leader then lead

Him to read what he read

But he wound up wounding his face.

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That Which Is Not Convoluted May Lack Bewilderment… So Yeah

I’m sporadically baffled, befuddled, and vexed

When traversing a sum of obfuscated text.

Otherwise, sometimes I feel the need

To say in plain english “This is hard to read.”

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OMG Dad, Why Can’t You Understand Vulture Is A Student Of The World?

Their wonce was amen from Bolder

Hoo new mai dotter end tolled hurr

“Eye a door ewe, Amanda

“‘Cause u un-derstanneduh

“Spelling sin the I of de beholdre.”

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On English Slang and Figures of Speech

If you’re opposed to kinky sex

Then you are very rude

Because you want everybody else

To get regularly screwed.

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