Tag Archives: English

Bugging Out

There once were a fly and a flea

Who were healthy and lived in a tree,

Then they flew in a flue

And contracted the flu

And decided to, from the flue, flee.


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“Maybe Baby” is an overused rhyme,

So said my love, May Bee.

But I said, “Maybe, May Bee, my baby,

“But be that as it may,

“Maybe let ‘Maybe Baby’ be as it may be.”

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Do It Already!

Close my eyes and listen

To the gently falling rain,

Wishing all the while

That you, dear reader, will refrain

From noticing the fact

That I made a mistake,

For this poem is a command.

What a difference “I” can make…

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Which Is Worse: English Spelling or This Poem?

There once was a man from Saigon

Who needed to mow his lawn.

He saw someone wan

And asked “Genghis Khan?”

But it was just his neighbor, Sean.

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Aye Aye, I! I Eye i^i Eyes, I Eye i^i “Aye Ayes,” and I Eye I’s i^i Eyes Eyeing i^i i^is With I’s i^i “Aye Aye” Eyes, Aye. I?

English is funny; Take the word “ship”

Which can mean a variety of things…

It can mean a big boat

That can carry other boats

Or other miscellaneous bling.

Therefore a ship who ships cargo

(Oh yeah, ship is also a verb)

Can ship ships as its cargo

(Or so is said as a ship-shipping blurb).

“Ship” can also be used

To describe imaginary romance

Where two hypothetical characters

Want to get in one-another’s pants.

In this sense, the word shipping

Is creating the romantic “ship,”

But could also mean that you think

The prospect of shipping is hip.

So if you like to like the idea

Of a romantic relationship between

A cargo delivery vehicle who delivers ships

Falling in love with a similar machine

You ship shipping ship-shipping ships shipping ship-shipping ships,

And that is grammatically correct.

Yes indeed, English is funny

But deserves at least grudging respect.

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When You Try To Rhyme And It All Goes Wrong

She asked to buy a stove,

A stove she could love.

They asked at what cost?

“The one that costs the most.”

They heard what she said

And watched as she paid.

Then they helped her move

The new stove, her love.

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Why Jocks Get Seize

The public schools of Pittsburgh

Are bad beyond my wildest beliefs;

They teach kids words like “Steelers”

When the proper terms is “Thiefs.”

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Why English Is Hard

How do you pronounce vapid,

Plein air, eschew, or bow?

Then when you factor in typoes

You really never now.

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Divinity Achieved

If I became God

The first thing I’d do

Was teach when to ask “whom”

And when not to use “who.”

Hint: If you would say “her” or “him,” use whom… The word of the lord 😉

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Bad Language?

Eye halve know aye Dia

Howe thoughs hoo dew knot no

How-to spellin’ English

Kant fig your it out, sew

Threw this Han dee poem

I salve Mai own dill Emma.

Hi expect, inn learning spannish

Their Will bee Noooooo! problema.

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