Jerry was snoring
In bed in New Hamphire.
“Zzz” was the sound from his head.
Gerald was snoring
In the Hampshire of olde,
And onlookers heard “Zedzedzed.”
Tag Archives: English
Intro to International Business
To effectively communicate
Online in Japanese
You must memorize 2,000
Unique symbols called Kanjiis
As well as two whole alphabets
One-hundred seven letters each.
These are the fundamentals
And the first things people teach.
To converse online in English
Is an entirely different tale…
Just memorize the following:
“Like,” “Your mom,” and “Epic fail.”
Filed under Poems
Criminal Justice 101
For those who aren’t aware,
Jail and prison are not the same.
To help remember which is which
You can play this little game:
If you piss off any cop
You’ll go to a jail cell.
If you’re either poor or black
You’ll go to prison as well.
Filed under Poems
Quotidian Composition Vitiates…
People say that grammar
Doesn’t matter any more,
That vocabulary’s useless
And english is a bore.
What they do not realize
Is that the word you tried
Might turn a social program
Into massive genocide.
Take this proposition:
“Our mayor, Jim Metcalf
“Will, by 2025
“Cut homelessness in half.”
What a lovely world we’d have
And what a peaceful street
If Mayor Metcalf’s plan above
Was ever made complete!
Alas, the words they wrote instead
Were, “Mayor Jim Metcalf
“Will, within the next five years,
“Cut homeless people in half.”
To some, there’s nothing different.
To some, this sounds just fine
Until you realize just how
The Mayor crossed a line
Because the homeless person
Who was once in Bradley Square
Now has his legs on Main Street
But his torso’s over there!
Stop the death and carnage
And salute the grammar nerds,
For only you can save a life
By choosing proper words.
Filed under Poems
Wear Love Blossoms?
Yew are the tree that sustains me.
U turn the sick to the well.
Ewe are so warm and so fluffy.
I love you although I can’t spell.
You’re poem touched me this evening.
Your the only one I think of now.
Their’s somewhere I know and soon they’re we’ll go
But let’s stick to spoken poems for know.
Filed under Poems
Bugging Out
There once were a fly and a flea
Who were healthy and lived in a tree,
Then they flew in a flue
And contracted the flu
And decided to, from the flue, flee.
Filed under Poems
Perhaps?
“Maybe Baby” is an overused rhyme,
So said my love, May Bee.
But I said, “Maybe, May Bee, my baby,
“But be that as it may,
“Maybe let ‘Maybe Baby’ be as it may be.”
Filed under Poems
Do It Already!
Close my eyes and listen
To the gently falling rain,
Wishing all the while
That you, dear reader, will refrain
From noticing the fact
That I made a mistake,
For this poem is a command.
What a difference “I” can make…
Filed under Poems
Which Is Worse: English Spelling or This Poem?
There once was a man from Saigon
Who needed to mow his lawn.
He saw someone wan
And asked “Genghis Khan?”
But it was just his neighbor, Sean.
Filed under Poems
Aye Aye, I! I Eye i^i Eyes, I Eye i^i “Aye Ayes,” and I Eye I’s i^i Eyes Eyeing i^i i^is With I’s i^i “Aye Aye” Eyes, Aye. I?
English is funny; Take the word “ship”
Which can mean a variety of things…
It can mean a big boat
That can carry other boats
Or other miscellaneous bling.
Therefore a ship who ships cargo
(Oh yeah, ship is also a verb)
Can ship ships as its cargo
(Or so is said as a ship-shipping blurb).
“Ship” can also be used
To describe imaginary romance
Where two hypothetical characters
Want to get in one-another’s pants.
In this sense, the word shipping
Is creating the romantic “ship,”
But could also mean that you think
The prospect of shipping is hip.
So if you like to like the idea
Of a romantic relationship between
A cargo delivery vehicle who delivers ships
Falling in love with a similar machine
You ship shipping ship-shipping ships shipping ship-shipping ships,
And that is grammatically correct.
Yes indeed, English is funny
But deserves at least grudging respect.
Filed under Poems
