Tag Archives: English

Your Vocabulary Word Of The Day Is…

Sometimes it can be tough

To deal with all of your stuff,

And so the path that seems easiest

Is to be an eccedentesiast.

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Funnier If You Read It Wrong (Is That “Read” Like Read or “Read” Like Read Though?)

There once was a bass who played bass

Who wondered “Is it pronounced vase or vase?”

His leader then lead

Him to read what he read

But he wound up wounding his face.

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That Which Is Not Convoluted May Lack Bewilderment… So Yeah

I’m sporadically baffled, befuddled, and vexed

When traversing a sum of obfuscated text.

Otherwise, sometimes I feel the need

To say in plain english “This is hard to read.”

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OMG Dad, Why Can’t You Understand Vulture Is A Student Of The World?

Their wonce was amen from Bolder

Hoo new mai dotter end tolled hurr

“Eye a door ewe, Amanda

“‘Cause u un-derstanneduh

“Spelling sin the I of de beholdre.”

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On English Slang and Figures of Speech

If you’re opposed to kinky sex

Then you are very rude

Because you want everybody else

To get regularly screwed.

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I Dream of England

Jerry was snoring

In bed in New Hamphire.

“Zzz” was the sound from his head.

Gerald was snoring

In the Hampshire of olde,

And onlookers heard “Zedzedzed.”

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Intro to International Business

To effectively communicate

Online in Japanese

You must memorize 2,000

Unique symbols called Kanjiis

As well as two whole alphabets

One-hundred seven letters each.

These are the fundamentals

And the first things people teach.

To converse online in English

Is an entirely different tale…

Just memorize the following:

“Like,” “Your mom,” and “Epic fail.”

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Criminal Justice 101

For those who aren’t aware,

Jail and prison are not the same.

To help remember which is which

You can play this little game:

If you piss off any cop

You’ll go to a jail cell.

If you’re either poor or black

You’ll go to prison as well.

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Quotidian Composition Vitiates…

People say that grammar

Doesn’t matter any more,

That vocabulary’s useless

And english is a bore.

What they do not realize

Is that the word you tried

Might turn a social program

Into massive genocide.

Take this proposition:

“Our mayor, Jim Metcalf

“Will, by 2025

“Cut homelessness in half.”

What a lovely world we’d have

And what a peaceful street

If Mayor Metcalf’s plan above

Was ever made complete!

Alas, the words they wrote instead

Were, “Mayor Jim Metcalf

“Will, within the next five years,

“Cut homeless people in half.”

To some, there’s nothing different.

To some, this sounds just fine

Until you realize just how

The Mayor crossed a line

Because the homeless person

Who was once in Bradley Square

Now has his legs on Main Street

But his torso’s over there!

Stop the death and carnage

And salute the grammar nerds,

For only you can save a life

By choosing proper words.

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Wear Love Blossoms?

Yew are the tree that sustains me.

U turn the sick to the well.

Ewe are so warm and so fluffy.

I love you although I can’t spell.

You’re poem touched me this evening.

Your the only one I think of now.

Their’s somewhere I know and soon they’re we’ll go

But let’s stick to spoken poems for know.

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