Tag Archives: English

Bad Language?

Eye halve know aye Dia

Howe thoughs hoo dew knot no

How-to spellin’ English

Kant fig your it out, sew

Threw this Han dee poem

I salve Mai own dill Emma.

Hi expect, inn learning spannish

Their Will bee Noooooo! problema.

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Don’t Be An Ass

Whosoever writeth thus

In styles archaic and old

Shall not retain a salary

And, as consequence, is cold

For whosoever writeth

In a manner hard to read

Is but a fool or PhD,

Neither of which fulfills a need.

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Or You Mite Be Letting Siri Type Four Ewe

If you prey at a alter

And like you’re time their,

You watch the news and think

That how the world works isnt fare,

Youve misplaced yor resume

But will happily give you the jist

Than you might bee looking four jobs

Via a web sight like Craigslist.

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Honestly, Get your Suffixes Straight!

If feminism means “go women”

And humanism means “people are good”

Then racism means “yay fast people,”

Or at least it should.

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Why Grammar Matters

A world without adjectives

Would suck

But it wouldn’t be bad

Would blow

But it wouldn’t be sad

Would eat your soul

But not in a negative way.

A world without adverbs

Things happen,

People run

Other people run

Some are faster

But we’ll never know which.

A world without verbs

Blue, stagnant, 

Highly descriptive,

Shorter than previous stanzas.

A world without nouns

Write this if you dare.

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Younger English

I recalleth days of yore…

Glad we don’t talk that way no more.

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Ooh (with a silent H) Burn

Salmon has a silent L.

Nothing has a silent Q.

I wish I were like the word “vague,”

That is, with a silent U.

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