Tag Archives: Lullaby

Some Day My Wife Will Hear Me Singing This And She’ll Slip Quietly Out The Back And Never Be Seen Again

Hush little baby! Don’t you cry

Or I’ll play you an elephant lullaby

And all that trumpeting hurts your ears

And sure, maybe daddy’s had one too many beers…

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Lullaby For A Cynical Man-Child

Grizzly bear

Sitting there

Playing with

My ex-wife’s hair.

He seems happy.

She seems dead.

Yes I’m morbid.

Now, off to bed.

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More Specific Lullaby

Hush little baby,

Don’t say a word.


That was easy.

Now quit crying.

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Sweet little infant, all is fine,

And somewhere in Zambia, the sun still shines.

And I am envious of those Zambian dudes,

For they have the sun, and all I’ve got is you.


So basically baby, do me this favor:

Go to sleep now and save me the labor

Of rocking you, kid.  And don’t cry like that!

I’m seriously considering feeding you to the cat.


In fact, I’ve had it with your crying, you prick!

Let me go to the window and prepare my drop kick.

Oh, hello there darling.  I’m just getting some air.

So good bye now, you baby.  Cry at someone who cares!

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