Tag Archives: Time

Arrive At Five Bro

When you drive to pick her up

And leave at 4:15

She says she’ll be ready in 10 minutes

But we the wise have seen

That when a woman tells you

When she’ll be ready is the same

As the way the measure how long’s left

At the end of a football game.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

I JUST WANT TO KNOW HOW MUCH YOU CHARGE TO MAKE ME FEEL HEALTHY WHILE I DO NOTHING!

There was a time without taxes,

A time without corporate spying,

And if you believe the Bible there was

A time without even dying.

But one timeless thing that has always been

Through every era and age

Is that no gym will ever show

Non-promotional prices on their front page.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

But It Won’t… So There

Tonight I watched a movie

That made me cry

About an awkward redhead

Who can travel through time.

He learned that living every day

As if it is your last

Is the key to perfect happiness,

Not reliving the past.

Unlike awkward redhead dude

I can’t control the ages,

Can’t redo my past mistakes

Or rewrite history’s pages.

What I can do that others can’t

Is make the time you spend

Be used to wish my poetry

Would finally freakin’ end.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Watch Out

There once was a clock on a wrist

That one day became rather pissed.

It said “Time isn’t real,

“So how does that feel?”

Now it is for sale on Craigslist.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Perchance to Dream

She was a girl too much alive for breathing,

Not more than an imaginary friend.

She met a man resentful of existence

For not obeying his command to bend.

She traded skins one hour in an evening

To walk among the mortals so beneath her

While the uncreative man whose shell she conquered

Took a stroll among the heavens, robed in ether.

The woman learned the pain of being solid

And how the road at night can smell of pine.

The man learned how to be imaginary

And why a drop of sunlight chose to shine.

And when the 60 minutes finished ticking

On a clock men made to solve the question, “when?”

The woman disappeared again forever

And the man awoke to be himself again.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

The String Theory of Christmas

‘Twas the night after Christmas

And the night before too…

Santa worked with the time machine

‘Til he turned blue,

For he needed to ship out

A few billion presents

To all of the children

Of all of the peasants.

The flux gear grew wonky

(Which you’ll see is not great)

And entangled poor Santa

Into some quantum state.

For Santa existed

And yet he did not,

As is demonstrable by

Some guy “Schroedinger’s” thought.

And so if you ask

“Mama, is Santa flying?”

She should say “yes AND no,”

Or else mama is lying.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Dog Years

I was a teenager after a year,

Middle aged by the time I was two.

I’d spend months in a minute chasing a ball

And spent weekends taking a poo.

A scratch on my ears was an hour in heaven

Though it seemed but a second to man.

I wonder if master can feel my time

And pray one of his seconds he can.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Next Week: Child Puts “Mean People Suck” Bumper Sticker On Car, Wins Nobel Prize For Literature

It’s nice to know

In this day and age

Time Magazine will

Give you the front page

And give you the title

“Person of the year”

For being perturbed

Where rich people can hear.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Watch Yourself

Please keep the word mum

‘Cause I did something dumb:

I ordered a clock.

Now at my door, a knock!

I fear my time has come…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

My Covenant

Some people with a time machine

Would cure diseases in the past,

Kill Hitler as a baby

To stop the Jews from being gassed,

See what dinosaurs were like

Or build the pyramids.

Some would travel back in time

To relive being kids.

If I had a time machine

I’d go to a monastery

Where people sang Gregorian chant

With ye olde Tomme, Dicke, and Harrye

And play the drum and violin parts

To the Halo menu song.

Some people would go to the future

To cure cancer, but they’re wrong.

You’re Welcome

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems