Tag Archives: Language

Confessions of a Former Spelling Bee Champion

There once was a guy named Kibau

Who lived on a farm with a plough.

He once swore a vow

Never once to say “Ciao”

And you get the point: Spelling is stupid.

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Hence, The Dictionary

When you really think about it

All language came about

Because some caveman somewhere

Thought “Maybe I should shout

“A bunch of random nonsense,”

And someone from out of town

Thought “That would make a boring book;

“I’d better write it down!”

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Intro to International Business

To effectively communicate

Online in Japanese

You must memorize 2,000

Unique symbols called Kanjiis

As well as two whole alphabets

One-hundred seven letters each.

These are the fundamentals

And the first things people teach.

To converse online in English

Is an entirely different tale…

Just memorize the following:

“Like,” “Your mom,” and “Epic fail.”

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Guess Which One Is Double-Majoring In Sociology?

I said “I’m learning Spanish

“‘Cause I fear soon it will be vital.”

She said “I’m learning Japanese

“To watch anime without subtitles.”

He said “I’m learning German

“Because I hate punctuation.”

Zhe said “I’m learning Gaelic

“Cause I’m a man who wants to experience menstruation.”

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Dialects

In America we spell “color;”

In the UK it is “colour” with a U.

In America it’s “blue”

InFrance it is “bleu.”

In America it’s “Hell;”

In Middle Earth it is “Moria.”

In America it’s “yay;”

In Catholic it is “Gloooooooooooooo,ooooooooooo,ooooo,oooooo…ria!”

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Bad Language?

Eye halve know aye Dia

Howe thoughs hoo dew knot no

How-to spellin’ English

Kant fig your it out, sew

Threw this Han dee poem

I salve Mai own dill Emma.

Hi expect, inn learning spannish

Their Will bee Noooooo! problema.

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Why The French Make Good High-Rollers

You may look real classy

In your souped-up chassis

And yet prove to be asses

When you read “chassis” as chasses.

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A Missed Onomatopoeia

Whoever invented the word “tickle”

Made a fatal flaw.

They should have called it “squirch,”

‘Cause that’s how it feels to moi.

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Pulling Out The Good…?

When Chinese people

Want to eat on fancy plates

What are those plates called?

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One Letter Off

I said she smelled flagrant

And her mood got all wrecked.

It didn’t help when I said to her

“Autocorrect.”

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