I love how someone decided
That they could just combine
Two words and make another word
And act like it was fine.
So came about such portmanteaus
As “Sandpaper” and “Sweatshirt”,
And even though no harm was done
I’m feeling kind of butt-hurt.
And how come some compound words
Need to be hyphenated?
Like cross-eye, but not loveseat?
Is anyone else devastated?
Apparently the jury’s out
And no one cares but me.
I think I’ll solve this once and for all
By founding Germany.
Filed under Poems
“Awesome” means “Good” now.
“Good” now means “Fair”.
“Okay” means “I’m lousy”.
“Lousy” means “In Despair”.
“Gold plans“ are baseline;
“Platinum” is normal.
Shirts are for business
And blue jeans are formal.
“Nothing” means “Something”
And “Yes” can mean “No”
But y’all still jump to conclusions
When I said “She’s a hoe.”
Filed under Poems
There once was a guy named Kibau
Who lived on a farm with a plough.
He once swore a vow
Never once to say “Ciao”
And you get the point: Spelling is stupid.
Filed under Poems
When you really think about it
All language came about
Because some caveman somewhere
Thought “Maybe I should shout
“A bunch of random nonsense,”
And someone from out of town
Thought “That would make a boring book;
“I’d better write it down!”
Filed under Poems
To effectively communicate
Online in Japanese
You must memorize 2,000
Unique symbols called Kanjiis
As well as two whole alphabets
One-hundred seven letters each.
These are the fundamentals
And the first things people teach.
To converse online in English
Is an entirely different tale…
Just memorize the following:
“Like,” “Your mom,” and “Epic fail.”
Filed under Poems
I said “I’m learning Spanish
“‘Cause I fear soon it will be vital.”
She said “I’m learning Japanese
“To watch anime without subtitles.”
He said “I’m learning German
“Because I hate punctuation.”
Zhe said “I’m learning Gaelic
“Cause I’m a man who wants to experience menstruation.”
Filed under Poems
In America we spell “color;”
In the UK it is “colour” with a U.
In America it’s “blue”
InFrance it is “bleu.”
In America it’s “Hell;”
In Middle Earth it is “Moria.”
In America it’s “yay;”
In Catholic it is “Gloooooooooooooo,ooooooooooo,ooooo,oooooo…ria!”
Filed under Poems
Eye halve know aye Dia
Howe thoughs hoo dew knot no
How-to spellin’ English
Kant fig your it out, sew
Threw this Han dee poem
I salve Mai own dill Emma.
Hi expect, inn learning spannish
Their Will bee Noooooo! problema.
Filed under Poems
You may look real classy
In your souped-up chassis
And yet prove to be asses
When you read “chassis” as chasses.
Filed under Poems
Whoever invented the word “tickle”
Made a fatal flaw.
They should have called it “squirch,”
‘Cause that’s how it feels to moi.
Filed under Poems
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