Tag Archives: Introverts

No, I Don’t Have Friends. Why Do You Ask?

Don’t you love when you decide

“I should update my browser app”

And then two hours later

It’s like the internet took a nap

And you’re wishing you could google

What to do when the web is slow

But your browser app is downloading

And there’s nowhere to go

So instead of browsing

Through memes and news and stuff

You finally say “Screw it”

And admit enough’s enough

And go into the world again

And gaze on nature’s splendor?

I don’t. I write poems instead.

How’s that for a comedic ender?

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Why Ghosts Are Angry

Greg had no reason to live anymore

So he bought a rope and locked the door

And made a new necklace he tied to the roof

And fell to his death without uttering “oof.”

He opened his eyes and he looked all around

And saw his cadaver and angrily frowned;

Yes, he succeeded in becoming dead

But now he’s a ghost, and immortal instead.

Worse, now the tourists come hither and yon

For signs of the ghost of Greg, who is gone.

He’ll wail and shriek and pray for some help

But the tourists just cheer and write “Five stars” on Yelp.

If its deserved or not, no one can tell

But Greg lives forever in introvert Hell.

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Higher Education is a Cure for Introversion

I once found it tough

To talk about stuff,

But then I went to college.

Now I regale ya

About paraphernalia

‘Cause now I’ve got the knowledge!

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History Is Written By The Famous

Sleepy, Happy, Dopey, Sneezy

Bashful, Grumpy, and Dock

Mined all day to earn their pay

From 8:00 to 5:00 o’clock.

With seven salaries they paid

The rent for one small shack

And thought this was the status quo

Because the dwarves were black.

Then this white chick comes along

And they’re all like “Hi ho!”

Then she’s like, “OMG you guys,

“My name’s like totally Snow.”

And so she took their home away

And even ate their fruit

Before she slept for free a while

‘Cause hey, the chick was cute!

She slept upon the eighth dwarf’s bed

Who never was alerted.

So says the spurned, forgotten dwarf

Whose name is Introverted.

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Party Like You Forgot To Take Your Meds And The Voices Are Coming Back!

Everyone is happy.

Everyone is having fun

Until the quiet loner guy

Pulls out his loaded gun.

Everyone is joyful.

Everyone joins in the dance

‘Til that one guy from accounting

Pulls a K-bar from his pants.

It’s at that point the happiness

On that crowded dancing floor

Gives way to massive panic

And a stampede for the door.

Now K-bar guy is happy

As is Steve (He’s got the gun)

Because the flat is empty now

And the small talk is all done.

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Not Based On A True Story At All…

Here I am and in my prime,

No need for fear, no lack of time,

My IQ’s high, my flaws are few,

But there’s one foe I’ve yet to slew.

Somehow I feel my knees go weak

If, to a stranger, I must speak.

I can solve equations in my head

But not control the sense of dread

That spreads from pate to waist to toes

When I must speak to Jane or Rose.

I know Shakespeare, Austen, Keats,

But not wherefore my heart so beats.

Perhaps I’ve read too many tomes

To mix with non-y-chromosomes?

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Passions and Priorities

What longings, cravings

Of the heart

Cannot be satisfied

By walking, strolling

‘Neath Springtime’s sun

With both eyes open wide?

What joys, what pleasures

Known to man

Cannot be thus attained?

For sunshine, brightness


Make life’s sweetness sustained.

The nymph’s, the angel’s
Coats are shed,

Replaced by skirts and skin.

Such heat, desire

In humid air

Invite the males in.

And men, Adonis

In their minds

Accept the season’s gifts.

Like thermals, doves

Nature collides.

Winter’s tyranny so lifts.

Neath cloudless, flawless

April skies

The hedonist may bloom.

But dark, but stuffy

Basement youth

Focus on playing “Doom.”

And wonders, magic,

Even heaven

Dance about for humankind,

But fragging! Headshots!

Despite marvels missed

We introverts don’t mind.

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Now That’s Friendship!

If you like to stay at home

Though you’ve got nothing to do,

You’re thrilled when an appointment

Gets canceled out of the blue,

If reading makes you happy

And parties make you pout

Then you and I should be best friends

And never once hang out.

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The Thinker’s Song

I do not idolize
Celebrities who sing,
Who make emotions at a camera
Or hold a bat and swing.

I don’t talk about religion,
Politics or TV,
Or the theory of evolution
(Unless it’s in the context of eevee).

You might think me quiet,
And most often you’re spot on,
But bring up something interesting
And I’ll go on and on.

So if you want to know what’s new,
Do not ask me “how are you?”

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