Bacon-and-egg-flavored cereal
And a glass of milk-flavored water.
That’s the last time I have breakfast
With a tipsy Harry Potter.
Tag Archives: food
Wizard Chow
An Ode to Breakfast-All-Day
Consider ye the pancake,
Round and fluffy white
Whose presence dost command ye
Not to tarry, but to bite.
Consider ye the bacon
And the eggs and sausage too,
Who existed once as animal parts,
But now only to please you.
Consider ye the cereals,
A meal which is pourable
And whose very presence
Makes prepared food deplorable.
Finish your consideration
With a piece of toasted bread
Which equals any man or lady
In its worthiness to wed.
And so with all these options
It is time that we get real:
For what purpose exists
To eat any other meal?
Filed under Poems
Big Reggie’s Last Stand
I’ve finished the sweeping,
The mopping, the shining,
For those who arrive
For our casual dining.
I’ve whipped up the chicken,
The fruits and the veggies,
Prepared to serve unto
The clientele of “Big Reggie’s.”
I’ve washed all the napkins,
Plates, forks, and knives
For those who, by eating,
Will lengthen their lives.
I’ve waited all day
Since the first whiff of dawn,
Yet no one will eat
At the box on my lawn.
Filed under Poems
Jungle Charity
I was lost in the jungle last Saturday night.
My makeup was smudgy, my hair was a fright,
I was starving and thirsty and crawling along
When I heard an odd noise, not unlike a gong.
So I thirstily crawled and disheveledly waddled
While thinking of water, whether flowing or bottled,
‘Til I came to the source of the almost-gong sound
And was faced with a fellow who was quite musclebound.
I spoke to the fellow with a dry-throated yelp,
“Dear Fellow, I’m starving and in need of some help.”
The fellow was friendly, and offered me food.
“Here’s what I’ve got. Just take what sounds good.”
He offered me me larvae and elephant tongue,
Some organic fungus “with plenty of fung,”
Some mandible stew, which made me quite skittish,
And some discolored mush. (I assumed it was British).
What a predicament! What could I do?
I swallowed a spoonful of mandible stew.
Well, I’m still alive, and I’m glad that I am,
But I wish I had waited ’til he brought out the ham.
Filed under Uncategorized
The Steak Mistake
Under the light of the moon
In a restaurant in June
A brand new chef prepares a steak.
He brazes it well,
And basks in the smell.
He decides to take a break.
But that chef forgot
The burner was hot
And the meat burned like the sun
That chef’s mistakes,
They razed the steaks,
And I hope you enjoyed the pun.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 