“Best by November 2016”
Was on my salad dressing.
I shook my head as I poured it on
And hoped that Kraft was guessing.
Now my life goes with the flow
And I eat only undressed veggies.
On the bright side never anymore
Do people give me wedgies.
Tag Archives: food
Comfort Food
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger
Where did you go?
You went down my gullet
To where I don’t know.
Human, human
Dry your tears, wipe your eyes.
I’ll be with you forever
On your belly and thighs.
Filed under Poems
Dietary Councilling
They called me an airhead,
A dumdum, a flake,
A limp blob of pudding
And, worse still, a snake.
I guess that it’s true –
One is as one eats.
I’ll back off on the reptiles,
But never the sweets.
Filed under Poems
Bachelor Chow
I made a pizza
With with kale and s’mores,
Sime slightly-burnt Dr. Pepper
And pastrami galore!
Now you mean to say
You ain’t hungry no more?
Filed under Poems
Unusual Tastes
Someone put Mayo on my lucky charms.
These pranks have to stop!
How am I supposed to taste my Sriracha
Through all that eggy glop?
Filed under Poems
Don’t Write a Poem When You’re Hungry
My mind is a pomegranate:
Juicy, seedy,
And it leaves stains on whatever it touches.
You don’t know how it opens
And it takes hours to process
And doesn’t fill you up.
Luckily my heart is some type of meat,
Probably liver.
Mmmm… Liver.
Let’s Talk About Mastication
It’s time to talk about
The pleasures of the flesh,
And our senses, touch and taste,
Can again be young and fresh.
I speak about excitement.
I speak of stimulation.
I speak about, of course,
The joy of mastication:
To place a bit of vibrancy
Inside one’s hungry maw
And caress it with the vigor
Of a gyrating human jaw.
I salivate for thinking
Of this thrice-daily delight,
For I masticate at morning
As well as noon and night.
And if I feel the hunger
Of my eternal human needs
I may masticate between meals
By enjoying my nuts and seeds.
And when I feel so lonely
And companionship I want
I go to town and masticate
At my choice of restaraunt.
Such exploits I do recommend,
For they are part of the human condition.
For those who are offended,
Go find mastication’s definition.
Filed under Poems
Facebook Updates
I sat six hours in a car
To go and visit somewhere far.
It didn’t rain. It didn’t snow.
I just thought you ought to know.
(Not actually my dinner).
Filed under Poems
But It’s Organic!
It had an extra leg, I think,
And several extra eyes.
I don’t know how it got into my drink.
Oh look at that… it flies!
Filed under Poems
Sermon On The Scale
Blessed are the cheesemakers
Who turn milk into gold
By putting it in barrels
‘Til it’s really, really old
(And occasionally covered in mold).
Blessed are the coffee roasters
Who make heaven out of beans.
They harvest the energy of life
Among the coffee greens.
(To top it off, their uniform is partially blue jeans).
Blessed are the chocolatiers
Who shape, box, and decant.
For them my praise has no end,
And neither does my rant.
(Their uniform also includes a form of denim pant).
Blessed are the ice cream men,
And ice cream women too.
They make a food that’s wonderful,
And you don’t even have to chew!
(It seems that most good things in life come from the things that moo).
Blessed are the liposuctionists
Who make the other four
A possibility, and let
Me eat enough for four.
(And now my sermon is complete. No go and eat some more).
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 