I splatter unborn baby birds
Onto a burning pan
And eat them with some cattle flesh.
It’s great to be a man!
Tag Archives: food
Or Crack Some Eggs… SORRY! I DIDN’T MEAN IT! AAAAAAH!
“You can’t make an omelette
Without craking a bag
Of artificial egg-substitute flakes
That lack allergic red flags
And don’t indirectly harm animals
Like your processed foods do.”
I don’t much care for
Vegan analogies. Do you?
Filed under Poems
If I Order A Bacon Cheeseburger In Canada What Will I Get?
Is bacon in Canada
Canadian bacon?
Is a pig in Guinea
A guinea pig?
Is this issue important
Like I seem to be makin’
Or is it an issue
Not nearly so big?
Filed under Poems
Were Their Deaths For Nothing?!
Many chickens died today
To feed both me and you.
That makes me feel a little bad
For cooking turkey stew.
Filed under Poems
72 Days Too Late
“Best by November 2016”
Was on my salad dressing.
I shook my head as I poured it on
And hoped that Kraft was guessing.
Now my life goes with the flow
And I eat only undressed veggies.
On the bright side never anymore
Do people give me wedgies.
Filed under Poems
Comfort Food
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger
Where did you go?
You went down my gullet
To where I don’t know.
Human, human
Dry your tears, wipe your eyes.
I’ll be with you forever
On your belly and thighs.
Filed under Poems
Dietary Councilling
They called me an airhead,
A dumdum, a flake,
A limp blob of pudding
And, worse still, a snake.
I guess that it’s true –
One is as one eats.
I’ll back off on the reptiles,
But never the sweets.
Filed under Poems
Bachelor Chow
I made a pizza
With with kale and s’mores,
Sime slightly-burnt Dr. Pepper
And pastrami galore!
Now you mean to say
You ain’t hungry no more?
Filed under Poems
Unusual Tastes
Someone put Mayo on my lucky charms.
These pranks have to stop!
How am I supposed to taste my Sriracha
Through all that eggy glop?
Filed under Poems
Don’t Write a Poem When You’re Hungry
My mind is a pomegranate:
Juicy, seedy,
And it leaves stains on whatever it touches.
You don’t know how it opens
And it takes hours to process
And doesn’t fill you up.
Luckily my heart is some type of meat,
Probably liver.
Mmmm… Liver.
