Deep in a forest
In some ancient year
Lived the grandest buck ever,
The king of the deer.
His antlers were mountains.
Sun and moon were his eyes.
There was nothing more massive
Or nearly as wise.
He spoke only truths
And healed all ills.
His laughter was music.
His teardrops were hills.
This primeval buck
Made all that’s good, fair, and lush
But his name was “Pookums”
So you don’t hear of him much.
Filed under Poems
Sometimes I wonder if the gods
Are playing “Fantasy Earth,”
Which is just like fantasy football
But for those of divine birth.
I like to think that up above
Something that’s divine
Is checking out my karma stat
And knowing that I’m fine.
Divine intervention
Might influence your fate,
But it’s just a way to win the league
For a thunder god named Nate.
So here’s to being MVP
If things don’t go amiss.
I really hope I don’t get benched
For having written this.
Filed under Poems
Thunder in my stomach
And fire in my eyes;
When Zeus sayeth “bite me”
Obedience is not wise.
Filed under Poems
The polytheistic viewpoint
Is great for lots of folks
Who offer prayers to guys upstairs
Who are decent, caring blokes.
The problem with the system
Of deities with such expertise
Is that some get stuck being “God of the duck”
While some are “God of the seas.”
I recommend an amendment
To the divine division of spheres
Wherein all divine dudes are not painted as nudes
And rule over whatever cheers (them up).
Sure we’ll have eighty-five Sun Gods
And none for dog poop or tripe,
But demographics suggest that this is what’s best
And we’d have no reason to gripe.
Filed under Poems
Zeus likes keeping animals
Behind enclosure walls.
Ares is the God of war,
And busts a lot of balls.
Uranus is an deity
Who you can always say is yours,
And when the thunder God gets chicken pox
He becomes covered in Thors.
Muslims think that poultry
Is an animal about which to sing,
Because they worship Allah,
And with chicken Allah’s king.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 