Tag Archives: Islam

Canadian Muslim Problems

In December I sat on a frozen lake

And fished for rainbow trout.

The next two months I did the same

‘Cause that’s what I’m about.

This Summer I’m vacationing

Somewhere in the Maldives.

I know there’s no ice-fishing there

But I can avoid my 28 wives.

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الان تماس بگیر

Are you sick and tired

Of having your body

99% covered in skin?

Do you feel weary

Of eating and drinking

While you wait for true life to begin?

Have you ever wanted

To feel religious

But weren’t raised a Christian or Jew?

Then it’s your lucky day,

‘Cause I’m here to say:

Radical Islam’s for you!

To start as a jihadist,

To be totally honest,

Isn’t nearly as hard as you’d think.

The Muslim mystique’s

Just the smell of plastique

Waiting for you in your kitchen sink.

Just slip on that vest

And go take a test.

If you pass you can stand even talla’,

Make a building go boom

And just like that… Zoom!

It’s just you, forty virgins, and Allah!

If by ISIS you’re paid

You may or may not get laid

But we promise at least you’ll get blown!

Your job’s hard? Ours is not!

It’s just this: Don’t get caught

And be careful when using your phone.

Think this poem’s funny

And also lack money?

RI may be perfect for you!

You’re offended instead?

Well, good news my friend

But we’re able as well to help you!

So call us today

And learn Allah’s way

And wash yourself free of impurity.

We’ll train you for free

And help you to see

Why they do that at airport security.

So if you want some fun

And with life you’re so done

Why not our five pillars a try?

You’re one phone call from Heaven:


Unless you’re female there’s no need to be shy!

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Filed under Poems