In December I sat on a frozen lake
And fished for rainbow trout.
The next two months I did the same
‘Cause that’s what I’m about.
This Summer I’m vacationing
Somewhere in the Maldives.
I know there’s no ice-fishing there
But I can avoid my 28 wives.
Filed under Poems
Are you sick and tired
Of having your body
99% covered in skin?
Do you feel weary
Of eating and drinking
While you wait for true life to begin?
Have you ever wanted
To feel religious
But weren’t raised a Christian or Jew?
Then it’s your lucky day,
‘Cause I’m here to say:
Radical Islam’s for you!
To start as a jihadist,
To be totally honest,
Isn’t nearly as hard as you’d think.
The Muslim mystique’s
Just the smell of plastique
Waiting for you in your kitchen sink.
Just slip on that vest
And go take a test.
If you pass you can stand even talla’,
Make a building go boom
And just like that… Zoom!
It’s just you, forty virgins, and Allah!
If by ISIS you’re paid
You may or may not get laid
But we promise at least you’ll get blown!
Your job’s hard? Ours is not!
It’s just this: Don’t get caught
And be careful when using your phone.
Think this poem’s funny
And also lack money?
RI may be perfect for you!
You’re offended instead?
Well, good news my friend
But we’re able as well to help you!
So call us today
And learn Allah’s way
And wash yourself free of impurity.
We’ll train you for free
And help you to see
Why they do that at airport security.
So if you want some fun
And with life you’re so done
Why not our five pillars a try?
You’re one phone call from Heaven:
Five-five-five-nine-eleven.
Unless you’re female there’s no need to be shy!
Filed under Poems
