The dogfish chased the catfish
Like a dig might chase a cat,
But then the puffer fish arrived
And, well, that was that.
Tag Archives: Postaday
Finding Nemo 2: The Short Story
Women and Weather
A ballerina and a tornado
Are alike in many ways:
Both spin all day for who knows why
And upon them most people seldom gaze.
Both can transport you to magical lands
And both look strange in a tutu
(Though the one will object to the above claim
While the other will say nothing to you).
Both can look graceful, and dangerous too,
And if to a ballerina you are betroth
Take care your betrothed has temperance
Or you may just be marrying both.
Filed under Poems
The God of Snails Endorses This Poem
The polytheistic viewpoint
Is great for lots of folks
Who offer prayers to guys upstairs
Who are decent, caring blokes.
The problem with the system
Of deities with such expertise
Is that some get stuck being “God of the duck”
While some are “God of the seas.”
I recommend an amendment
To the divine division of spheres
Wherein all divine dudes are not painted as nudes
And rule over whatever cheers (them up).
Sure we’ll have eighty-five Sun Gods
And none for dog poop or tripe,
But demographics suggest that this is what’s best
And we’d have no reason to gripe.
Filed under Poems
Answer: All Credibility
Like a polyester sunset
On a foreign moon
My tangerine and violet pants
Will make the ladies swoon.
I know I am an icon
Since I bought my puce fedora
And an indigo graphic t-shirt
About the African diaspora.
I’ve got a turquoise leather coat
And burgundy canvas shoes.
I’m going to make a statement.
What have I got to lose?
Filed under Poems
An Unintentionally Cynical Labor Day Poem
September is the season
For cutting firewood
To heat the house in Winter
And promote a higher good.
We celebrate this season
With a fancy holiday rite
To celebrate the workers
Who still have to work despite.
After that it’s back to school
Where children go to rust
And the college students follow
Because society says they must.
And then their comes my birthday,
A special day for I,
And then comes Fall and October
As one more week goes by.
So make September awesome
And make sure you don’t wear white.
Happy Labor Day to all of you
And a joyful Labor Night.
Filed under Poems
How Board Games Are Made
No one’s shouted “Uno”
In what seems like years.
No one’s held my colorful cards
And laughed and spilled their beers.
No one’s read house rules
Or over my manual pored,
And while I am a card game
I’m starting to get bored.
Filed under Poems
Stay-at-home Offspring
Don’t think that I’m a layabout,
A lazy waste of space.
Just see me as a checker
Who never leaves his space,
As a successful “Sorry” token
Who finally made it home,
Or a monopoly piece in jail
Because it costs too much to roam.
I that this 38-year-old
Doesn’t want to leave.
I just think I’m most valuable
At home, deterring thieves.
And while I don’t have money
It’s unfair to scoff
‘Cause any day my Etsy store
Is going to take off!
Filed under Poems
are u the 1 4 me?!!!!!!!
I now u. U now me.
The guy hoo txts illiterately.
I liv evryware, C 2 C.
I mite hav a colledge dugree.
U mite think im sociutys dregs
Cuz u found me on that list of craigs,
But u havent had a date since 2003,
So ill get to now u, and u’ll now me.
Filed under Poems
David and Goliath, AKA How “Kid Rock” Lost His Home: The World’s Shortest Epic (TM)
David got a little rock
In his vacuum cleaner
And used it to make his name.
Goliath got a little rock
In his cleaner as well,
And Arkansas was never the same.
Filed under Poems
The Funny Bone (Danger: Puns)
It was the annual pickup game
At the Summer Camp for bones,
And the kids paid rapt attention
To a spine named Mr. Jones.
“I’d like to introduce you,”
They heard Mr. Jones declare,
“To a new bone. His name’s humerus.”
Applause caressed the air.
“So are you funny?” Ulna asked,
Always one for the obvious question.
Humerus told the only joke he knew
About a small intestine.
Radius laughed politely
But the jawbone din’t move,
And the ribs agreed that joking
Did not his personality behoove.
And so the game began,
And balls were thrown and kicked,
And when it came to choosing teams
Humerus was the last bone to be picked.
It turned out that poor Humerus
Came off as much too smarmy,
So he hired some local muscle
And left to join the army.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 