Tag Archives: Fish

The Birds and the Seas

If you are a whale

Your parents probably sing

About how to safely do

The reproduction thing.

If you are a shark instead

The learning that’s essential

Is that some biting might be fun

As long as you are gentle.

If you’re in a school of fish

You’ll probably be fine

Unless you can puke out your guts

And your skin is covered in spines

Because if you’re the sea cucumber

It is my belief

You’re in a bit of danger

When teenage whales need relief…

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See Also: Ant Farms

Once upon a time, some guy

Said “I know what we need!:

“A kinda boring screensaver

“We also have to feed.”

All the other townspeople

Said “That’s as good as it gets,”

And they all went out to buy themselves

Some fish to keep as pets.

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Mistakes Have Been Made

You say you were gloomy,

For quite a long span

When you were a woman

In need of a man.

You say you were sad,

But that’s nothing but talk.

Think of fish without bicycles

Who instead had to walk!

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Keeping Your Head Above Water

I bought a fish named Clem on Tuesday

And by Wednesday he was dead.

I bought a fish named Joe on Thursday

But hid him under my bed.

Joe is living happily

Unlike poor, stubborn Clem

Who saw guys on TV and challenged himself

To hold his breath like them.

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[Insert Fish Pun Here]

Give a man a fish,

You’ll feed him for a day

Unless that man’s a vegan

In which case his death’s okay.

But teach a man to fish

(Be him Vegan or otherwise)

And if he gets married he’ll be grateful

And he’ll think you very wise.

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Dr Seuss Warms Up

Tail fish, head fish.

Blue fish, red fish.

Althought it’s not my wish

Son, I flushed your dead fish.

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Something’s Fishy

If I were a fish

Swimming in the sea

I would look around with wonder

At all the life surrounding me.

I would stare at hermit crabs,

Their houses on their backs.

I would delight in flounders

In the deepest ocean black.

I would gaze upon the lobsters

With their rubber banded claws,

And upon the mermaids

In their little seashell bras.

I’d make fish-eyes at swimmers

And I’d maybe speak in whale.

I’d kill eater rats in the basement

‘Til I could level-up my tail.

And then when I was happy,

Experienced and strong

I’d bite down on a hook

And string a fisherman along.

But after my escape

I would not foresee

That the fisherman was angry

And had some TNT.

And so my final moments

Would be flashy and gory.

As I toss the dynamite from my boat

I tell myself this story.

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The Simple Life

Steve the fish lived in a dish

(A bowl, to be precise).

He shared his private windowsill

With two ex-lab mice.
When the mice stopped eating cheese,

Steve was not perturbed.

When they sprouted fangs and wings

He still was not disturbed.
And when the ex-lab mice escaped

To terrorize the Earth

Steve swam in circles happily

And reminisced about his birth.
And when the Earth went up in flames

And did finally dissappear,

Steve the fish was satisfied

With his one long, happy year.

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Finding Nemo 2: The Short Story

The dogfish chased the catfish
Like a dig might chase a cat,
But then the puffer fish arrived
And, well, that was that.

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