If everybody in the world
Could be a fish for just one day
I think we’d finally be able to make
Gas station sushi go away.
Tag Archives: Fish
Talk About Stuck In A Lousy Job!
You think because you aren’t paid well
And work a lot of hours
Doing work you don’t enjoy
And your outlook on life sours
That means you have a lousy job?
Your misery sorely pales
To the job of being the fish they feed
To the SeaWorld killer whales.
Filed under Poems
The Birds and the Seas
If you are a whale
Your parents probably sing
About how to safely do
The reproduction thing.
If you are a shark instead
The learning that’s essential
Is that some biting might be fun
As long as you are gentle.
If you’re in a school of fish
You’ll probably be fine
Unless you can puke out your guts
And your skin is covered in spines
Because if you’re the sea cucumber
It is my belief
You’re in a bit of danger
When teenage whales need relief…
Filed under Poems
See Also: Ant Farms
Once upon a time, some guy
Said “I know what we need!:
“A kinda boring screensaver
“We also have to feed.”
All the other townspeople
Said “That’s as good as it gets,”
And they all went out to buy themselves
Some fish to keep as pets.
Filed under Poems
Mistakes Have Been Made
You say you were gloomy,
For quite a long span
When you were a woman
In need of a man.
You say you were sad,
But that’s nothing but talk.
Think of fish without bicycles
Who instead had to walk!
Filed under Poems
Keeping Your Head Above Water
I bought a fish named Clem on Tuesday
And by Wednesday he was dead.
I bought a fish named Joe on Thursday
But hid him under my bed.
Joe is living happily
Unlike poor, stubborn Clem
Who saw guys on TV and challenged himself
To hold his breath like them.
Filed under Poems
[Insert Fish Pun Here]
Give a man a fish,
You’ll feed him for a day
Unless that man’s a vegan
In which case his death’s okay.
But teach a man to fish
(Be him Vegan or otherwise)
And if he gets married he’ll be grateful
And he’ll think you very wise.
Filed under Poems
Dr Seuss Warms Up
Tail fish, head fish.
Blue fish, red fish.
Althought it’s not my wish
Son, I flushed your dead fish.
Filed under Poems
Something’s Fishy
If I were a fish
Swimming in the sea
I would look around with wonder
At all the life surrounding me.
I would stare at hermit crabs,
Their houses on their backs.
I would delight in flounders
In the deepest ocean black.
I would gaze upon the lobsters
With their rubber banded claws,
And upon the mermaids
In their little seashell bras.
I’d make fish-eyes at swimmers
And I’d maybe speak in whale.
I’d kill eater rats in the basement
‘Til I could level-up my tail.
And then when I was happy,
Experienced and strong
I’d bite down on a hook
And string a fisherman along.
But after my escape
I would not foresee
That the fisherman was angry
And had some TNT.
And so my final moments
Would be flashy and gory.
As I toss the dynamite from my boat
I tell myself this story.
The Simple Life
Steve the fish lived in a dish
(A bowl, to be precise).
He shared his private windowsill
With two ex-lab mice.
When the mice stopped eating cheese,
Steve was not perturbed.
When they sprouted fangs and wings
He still was not disturbed.
And when the ex-lab mice escaped
To terrorize the Earth
Steve swam in circles happily
And reminisced about his birth.
And when the Earth went up in flames
And did finally dissappear,
Steve the fish was satisfied
With his one long, happy year.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 