There once was a womxn from Berkeley
Who acted rashly and berserkly.
Zhe drove a non-hybrid car
To an all-vegan bar.
These micro-aggressions were carried out jerkily.
Tag Archives: Sacrilege
Jesus, Night Owl
On the morning of the third day
Since Jesus died for our sins
He said “I waiteth to push the boulder
“Until the afternoon begins.”
Filed under Poems
The Conception of Christ
In the year of 1 B.C.
God called Gabriel.
“There’s a girl I’ve been watching, Gabe,” he said.
“In love, I fear I’ve fell.
“Gabe, I want her to have my child,”
But Gabe, he did protest.
“If all humans are your children,
Then isn’t this plan incest?”
Eventually, the angel caved,
And flew on down to Earth.
He flew into a manger,
And spoke to the woman who was to give birth.
“Nice place you have here Mary!”
He said, that April day.
“But do you ever tire of sleeping with this ass?”
Joseph arose, and shouted “Hey!”
“I’m talking about a donkey,” Gabe replied,
As he sat down on the hay-ster.
“Long story short, God want’s you pregnant.
He sent me with a turkey baster.”
“I will not let you do this, sir!”
Joseph shouted, getting mad-y.
“Don’t worry Joe,” Mary soothed.
“You can be the baby daddy!”
And nine months later, Christ was born
Inside that very manger.
If that’s not how you heard the story,
Where do you get your info, stranger?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 