Tag Archives: Sacrilege

When You Break The 11th Commandment

There once was a womxn from Berkeley

Who acted rashly and berserkly.

Zhe drove a non-hybrid car

To an all-vegan bar.

These micro-aggressions were carried out jerkily.

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Jesus, Night Owl

On the morning of the third day

Since Jesus died for our sins

He said “I waiteth to push the boulder

“Until the afternoon begins.”

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The Conception of Christ

In the year of 1 B.C.

God called Gabriel.

“There’s a girl I’ve been watching, Gabe,” he said.

“In love, I fear I’ve fell.

 

“Gabe, I want her to have my child,”

But Gabe, he did protest.

“If all humans are your children,

Then isn’t this plan incest?”

 

Eventually, the angel caved,

And flew on down to Earth.

He flew into a manger,

And spoke to the woman who was to give birth.

 

“Nice place you have here Mary!”

He said, that April day.

“But do you ever tire of sleeping with this ass?”

Joseph arose, and shouted “Hey!”

 

“I’m talking about a donkey,” Gabe replied,

As he sat down on the hay-ster.

“Long story short, God want’s you pregnant.

He sent me with a turkey baster.”

 

“I will not let you do this, sir!”

Joseph shouted, getting mad-y.

“Don’t worry Joe,” Mary soothed.

“You can be the baby daddy!”

 

And nine months later, Christ was born

Inside that very manger.

If that’s not how you heard the story,

Where do you get your info, stranger?

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