Tag Archives: Singing

Why I Don’t Go To Open-Mics Anymore

With a voice like something crushed between a bagpipe warming up

And an elephant gargling human teeth, kevlar, and 7-Up

She turned her face towards me (which neither she nor I enjoyed)

And said “Thank you for listening. That was “Hey you” by Pink Floyd.”

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Death Metal Groupies

Just because your singing voice

Sounds like Jabba the Hutt

Imitating Bryan Adams

Gargling a cigarette butt

Run in slow-motion backwards

Mixed with satanic chants

And is voted less favorably

Than being bitten by ants

Doesn’t mean I don’t want to

Get into your pants.

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