Sometimes we go shopping
Because we have needs
Like cardamom, five-spice,
And sunflower seeds,
A packet of seaweed
Perhaps we might splurge
For a mint-in-box toy.
When we feel spendy
Perhaps we will pounce
On a bottle of wine
That we cannot pronounce
And then at the end
We’ll return home again
And eat yesterday’s ramen
Because we are men.
The letters Z and X,
And also Q and C,
Left the alphabet one day
In a flight of misery.
They knew they were superfluous,
That they could not make a sound
Unique and unimitatible
By the other 22 letters around.
And so we started seeing
Other letters filling in.
K and S hung out in a hotel lobby
Until J jekked them in.
The letters had more duties,
And had to get more brainy.
S started having seizures
Filling in for words like “zany.”
Eventually, they all came back
After things came to a head.
Alas, Q was still useless
And Z wanted to be called “Zed.”
X declared a monopoly
On marking spots on a map.
And poor old C remained
Just the first piece of Crap.
Today is one of my favorite days:
It’s National “National Day-Chooser” Day.
It’s the day on which we celebrate
The people whose choices will show us the way.
For without the wise guys who choose to define
National Beer Days, Peace Days, and more,
We’d just think it’s Thursday, and that would be boring.
As it is, the Day-Chooser makes our morale soar.
When I’m all grown up, it’s my dream to be
A National Day-Chooser. If that dream comes true,
My first act will be to define that day as
The day of “Someday-You-Might-Have-This-Job-Too.”
Perhaps if I make it to this goal I seek
I’ll be promoted to “Guy Who Picks Out The Week!”