I got back on the horse
Twelve times this day alone.
That seems to me a lot,
Since only once have I been thrown.
Category Archives: Poems
The Quitter
Filed under Poems
Ode To An Inserted Thing^
To me you’re like an insert thing here^
Full of double meanings
Absent of rhyme or reason
Or punctuation
You make my anatomy act
In a way appropriate for anatomy
In a situation of extreme emotion
Such as sweating
Swelling^
Or accelerated heartbeat
You make me want to write iridescent
Not because you are
But because it sounds pretty
And you like pretty things
Like diamonds
And Benjamin Franklin
This poem is not a pretty thing
I am writing it in bed
By myself
Shortly after waking up
At 4:30 PM*
I am alone
I have B.O.**
I have cable***
And five hours before bedtime****
Although it’s not a meaningful term
Because I might not leave my bed
Rehashing of the similarity
Between you and the object
Which was inserted in the first stanza^
Because after all
This poem is about you****
Happy Valentine’s Day
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Untrue, but it makes me seem pitiful
** Probably true. Can’t tell due to nasal fatigue.
*** Also Untrue
**** See ***
^That sounded naughty…
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
Morning Support
I said my name and my address
My SSN, my cause of distress,
And received the counseling
Of choppy jazz and a telephone ring.
A computer graciously took my call
And presented me with options, all
Irrelevant to my concern.
IT just wants the world to burn.
A half-hour later, I just lied
To get a human on the inside
To transfer me where relevant.
Off to China I was sent
Where a friendly native, “Joe,”
Quickly showed me where to go.
I sent an email, and right away
Was told to call, and to have a nice day.
I made up an answer and called it good.
What I go through for firewood…
Filed under Poems
Wild Thing
Cute and lively,
Covered in hair,
Running and screaming
Everywhere.
A long fur coat
And her tongue out at me
In the hotel bar:
My wife to be.
Filed under Poems
The Super Bowl Ad That Wasn’t
Tea is made of soggy leaves,
Coffee of boiled beans.
Juice is made of beat-up fruit
Or bovine growth-enhancing genes.
Alcohol is rotten food
Made into liquid form.
Milk is full of hormones
Much like a college dorm.
But water is made of melted ice
And of precipitation.
And it makes you joyful, calm, and well
According to our information.
You’re ninety percent water,
As you may already know.
So why not buy Dasani
When you look for H2O?
This poem features many notable celebrities, and should compel you to buy Dasani brand water.
Filed under Poems
Substitute Sky
The blue sky was angry,
Perturbed and upset,
But black stormy clouds
The sky could not get.
They had all been reserved
For another date,
So the sky, though enraged,
Just had to wait.
It made gentle breezes
And bright, sunny beams;
Poor substitutes
For the sky’s mental screams.
Now very impatient,
Worn out and bereft,
All weather was halted
When the sky up and left.
Today it is rainy,
But I beg you, don’t cry:
It’s just the temp work
Of a substitute sky.
Filed under Poems
Coming Soon!
A vision achieved,
A dream come true,
And it’s coming
To a website near you!
I’ve promised at length
To take this blog far,
Whether through labor
Or a wish on a star.
Through a small bit of both
I’ve published a book!
And I want you, dear reader,
To have the first look.
By Valentines Day
It will be on the shelves,
Placed there by dozens
Of book-placing elves.
And once it’s available
You’ll have the full scoop.
‘Til then I leave you
With this poetical whoop…
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
Impossible Yoga
Breathe in, breathe out.
Put your lips in a pout.
Breathe out, breathe in.
Extend all your skin.
Inhale, exhale.
Stretch each fingernail.
Air above, air beneath.
Bite your lower teeth.
Breath out, breathe in.
Stare up at your chin.
Take in the air.
Flex all of your hair.
Count sideways from ten,
And do it again.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 