Tag Archives: Mistake

I Don’t Know Who, But I Bet You’re Going To Tell Me

If your child is a knock-knocker

And you are a who’s-there-er

Then you probably know by now

You’ve made a huge parenting error.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Cat Vs. Mirror: The Phantom Menace

His likeness was mine,

His visage my own.

His eyes shone the same,

His fur shared my tone.

I gazed at him

And he gazed back at me.

I figured he saw

What I also did see.

I swiped at his paw

And he swiped back at mine.

It was time to rebuke

This copycat swine!

We swiped at each other.

His claws were like glass!

We fought like equals

But I kicked his ass.

Then I spun around

And that coward fled.

Now it’s time for eating

And then off to bed.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Small Dog, Big Mistake

I saw on my lawn, between the mounds

Of wood chips, a dog of 15 pounds.

It was white and fluffy and ugly as sin

And it was having its way with my newspaper bin.

So I snuck over and scooped him up.

Oh, you should have heard that pup!

He barked and wailed and growled and bit.

I knew no way to calm the…git

And so I took it to the pound

To hope the monster would be found.

The police met me at the door.

As I was cuffed, I asked “what for?”

I was arrested for my labors

For my lawn has no wood chips: ‘Twas my neighbor’s.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Um, Yeah, You Kinda Do…

When you slip on a banana

While you wish upon a star.

When you’re whistling Santana

And someone steals your car.

When you order Cappuccino

But you’re served Americano.

When your spelunk with Al Pacino

And you get covered in guano.

Whenever great things happen

Followed by a social gaffe…

Sure, that stuff is funny

But you don’t have to laugh!

2 Comments

Filed under Poems

As Seen On Youtube

Have you ever been walking,

Not thinking at all,

When you look up

And in love you fall?

I almost did

At 10:30 today,

Except that stupid pole

Got in the way.

1 Comment

Filed under Poems

Elegy for an Innova Blizzard Boss Champion Disc

What comes up comes down.

If that’s true, then why won’t my

Frisbee leave the roof?

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Don’t Press “A,” Don’t Press… Oops

I think that just before we’re born

We make like a video game;

We design our skills and appearances

And even pick our name.
I have evidence for my theory,

And you are my best case

‘Cause your fingers tend to slip a lot

And, well, look at your face!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Special Delivery

I’ve watched a lot of “movies”

That aren’t on IMDB.

They made delivering pizzas

Look like a pretty good job to me.

And indeed, I did get special requests

From my female clientele,

But mostly they’re “draw a pic on the box.”

That or “go to Hell.”

I tried to target neighborhoods

Where people cannot pay,

But mostly they’d just write a check

And send me on my way.

So I quit my job as a pizza guy

For I had been mislead.

Now I spend my afternoons

Cleaning swimming pools instead.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Regarding the Effects of Alcohol on Perception

Her face was almost holy,
But in truth was kind of crass
Like a baseball in a church
Hit through a window of stained glass.

Her body was like a lion,
Kind of noble, but too hairy,
And her name was like a melody
That sounded just like “Jerry.”

And as we flirted in the bed
Of her slate grey Chevy truck
Her laugh closely resembled
A mixed chihuahua and a duck.

And I drew a terrible conclusion
As sparks flew through the truck.
Jerry wasn’t a her at all,
And I’d run out of luck.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems