Tag Archives: Fantasy

Dreamland

No matter your age or your weight or your sex,

If you like Raisin Bran or prefer Chex,

There comes a time when the day is all done

You bid fond farewell to the moon and the sun

And fade into fancy, a limerent land

Where nothing is normal and banished is bland,

Where poets can prosper and perchance partake

In fantasy simply for fantasy’s sake.

I wish you good venture into such a place

As the slackness of sleep falls fast on your face.

Sleep now, and linger beyond the awake

Where nothing is real but nothing is fake.

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Strawberry Girl

Strawberry girl who smiled at me,

I can’t help but wonder who it is you see.

Is it a ghost? In your heart I haunt

With illusory promise of all that you want;

Or is it a man who won’t stop the fight

To find you? Which one of us brings you delight?

Strawberry girl who gave me a kiss,

When we’re apart which me do you miss?

Is it the thought of the way that you feel

Like each moment we are is too sweet to be real;

Or is it the man protecting the bruise

Someone left on his heart? Which me will you choose?

Strawberry girl who held me one day,

I will be your man, whether mortal or fey;

A dream or a person, a prayer or a mind;

Someone to be cherished or else left behind.

You are a woman, but also a thought,

And I’ll be your man whether you’re here or not.

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Playground

Some people bought the story

Of pursuing fame and glory,

Of health and wealth and growing,

Running forward, never slowing.

I see those people every day,

Each burned out in their own way,

Faces lined by years and hassle;

I laugh inside my cardboard castle.

They are knights in shining armor,

Not satisfied to be a farmer,

Dying for causes another chose;

My armor is purple pillows.

They fight over feelings they never said,

Fighting a thought they’ve trapped in their head

For fear if people knew what they thought

They’d be revealed as someone not doing so hot.

I know I’m a no-one, and no I don’t care

As I play in my sandbox in fresh autumn air.

Maybe you mock me, but maybe you doubt;

After all, what if fun is what life’s all about?

What if the crusaders, celebrities, kings

Understand medals are just metal things?

What if they know, but their leisure depends

On you staying tired and having no friends?

Do you want to know if enough is enough,

If the pain doesn’t pay for the meaningful stuff?

Care to discover if your dreams can come true?

My castle has enough space to fit two…

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Worth Waiting For

One day a boy was throwing stones

At nothing in the wood

When he struck the belly of

A creature pure and good,

A unicorn of golden mane,

A thing so unexpected

He hardly knew what he could do

The moment they connected.

He knew just what the creature was,

For one cannot mistake

A unicorn for something plain,

An angel for a rake.

He laid his hands upon it

And for some time they were one

Until the moon had passed ahead,

The herald of the sun.

And when the boy had fallen

Into sleep, as boys must do,

The unicorn turned to the North

And took a step, then two,

And when the boy awoke again

His heart was full of light

As he looked for where the unicorn

Had cantered in the night.

At first he was uncertain,

Even fearful in his thought

For wherever he went looking

There the unicorn was not.

To chase it would be folly;

To lose it would be doom;

So he made himself be visible

And gave it lots of room.

He smiled while he waited

‘Til the smile hurt his face,

Then he cried and laughed alternately

And prayed aloud for grace.

The boy is waiting as we sleep,

For sleep we all must do,

Until he hears the hooves again

Come Southward, one, then two.

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A Halfass Ballad

Come all ye round and sit ye down

And hear me lonesome tune

About a man who dreamed to show

The whole wide world the moon.

He dreamt of walking round in space

And that breathtaking view

And yet alas, a dream of NASA

Never could come true.

For this here lad of whom we sing

Was born without a feature

Incurable by brilliant minds

Or the nation’s finest teacher.

The man, who’s name we shall not say

For fear what he might do

Was born with only one buttock…

Just half the normal two!

Now don’t ye mock the man who had

That single wondrous cheek,

The sight of which could shush a bitch

And make her knees grow weak.

Oh yes, the ladies stopped and stared

And many more went mute

When they’d walk by the halfass guy

And his one glorious glute.

Alas, with but a half a butt

The fellow couldn’t run,

And so he’d sit and tan a bit

In rain or sleet or sun,

Leaving all a full display

The privilege of his birth:

And in the night the moon so bright

Shone on the moon of Earth.

Now in the water by the beach

Whereon our hero tanned

There lived a mermaid of the sea

With hair like golden sand

Who also wore no clothes to hide

Her modesty from view,

And soon she fell in love, for she

Had just one buttock too.

She sang a song of ocean life:

How living in the sea

Was not unlike the moon in that

It lacked most gravity.

She beckoned him to join her in

A land both wet and wild

To share a life of happiness

With many a one-cheek child.

Our hero was quite skeptical,

For of the girls he knew.

Could a lass with half an ass surpass

A lass whose ass had two?

And more important in his mind

Was if he could adjust

To a woman who, as all could view,

Had also but one bust?

Yet as she sang, way up and down

Did heave that single breast

And with such grace his dream of space

Was soon but second best.

And so they left the land alone,

No longer to breath air.

And thus one perfect buttock was

Half of a perfect pair.

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For Those Who Missed The Metaphor, The Dragon Is Poverty

The dragon was coming

To Farawayshire

To eat many virgins

And breathe lots of fire.

The lord of the town said

“‘Fraid of dragons we aint,

“For I have procured us

“A fireproof paint!”

And so people painted

The roofs and the walls

Or the houses and stables

And castles and malls

Until the Lord said

With the smallest of sneezes,

“Cease painting at once

“For it causes diseases.”

The paint, it so happened

Did cause minor distress

To persons named Remington,

Fleischmann, and Hess.

Those with such names

Of course caused quite a fuss

While the rest of the town

Wondered, “What about us?

“The dragon is coming!

“How will we survive?

“Sure, a few will be sickened

“But we’ll be alive!”

The mayor just laughed

And he said with a tsk…

“What’s a few teeth and fire

“When our health is at risk?”

And, for some reason, this

Made the citizens calm

And await coming dragons

With nary a qualm.

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Did You Read The New Twilight Spinoff?

I’m proud to be half-centaur

And so are my sister and brother.

We have human legs

And a centaur’s torso

And a very satisfied mother.

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When The Dragon Finally Wins

Where once there was a chosen one

There stands the lovely fool,

A hero who can’t distinguish

The prison from his school.

The chosen of the dragon and

The savior of the mass

Who once was slaying goblins now

Must take his english class.

The heroes, rogues, magi, and bards,

Barbarians and knights

Have no hydras to vanquish, thus

They learn the Bill of Rights.

What was a land of magic, full

Of ogres, orcs, and elves

Becomes a land where they must slay

The voices in themselves,

The ones that say “You are worthy,

“You are, by nature, fair.”

Teacher says “Slay those parasites,”

Preaching how not to care.

Though no fantastic heroes live

Today, perhaps they can;

There is a dragon, as yet unslain,

Whose form we call “The Man.”

We have the weapons, we have the words,

To fight on, brave and true.

Think for yourself and find your way

To start the tale anew.

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Ye Olde Goode Advice

If at first you don’t succeed

Run away with all due speed

For though thine courage shan’t be praised

From the dead thou needn’t be raised.

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The Lord Of The Rings

A while ago

There was a guy

Who dreamed of being

A fiery eye.

We don’t know why

He felt the need,

But we know that

He did succeed.

The problem with

Old fire-eye’s plot

Is that what he wanted

Others did not,

And so he hid

His power away

So after his death

He’d still be okay.

He put that power

In a magical ring

That got stolen by

A greedy king,

And that repeated

Several times

Through fire and snow

And temperate climes.

Then one day

Some fishing midgets

Found that ring

And asked “what ij it?”

One said “mine!”

The other said “no!”

And so the midgets

Came to blows.

The winning midget

Became a beast

Who hid in a cave

Eating Fancy Feast

Until more midgets

Came along,

Stole the ring,

And sang a song.

A few years later

There was peace

And the ring’s new owner’s

Male niece

Got the ring

As a birthday gift,

Met some elves,

And got a lift

To Rivendell

Where it was decided

Fire-eye’s ego

Had the land divided

And that the only

Thing to do

Was to break the ring

Of you-know-who.

The elves said that

The ring must be laid

In the Mordorian lava

In which it was made.

The dwarf said

“That’s a lot of work,”

Hit the ring with his axe

And looked like a jerk.

So midgets and co.

Went on a quest,

They got betrayed

And left the rest,

Wandered alone

To the volcano of doom

Where the trolls and orcs

Drummed “boom, boom, boom.”

While they did

The men, dwarves, and elves

Fought three hours of orc wars

All by themselves,

Had a romantic subplot

With the long-lost human heir

And the elven princess

With the CGI hair.

By now midgets passed fire-eye’s

Most fiery gazes

Then the ring-bearing midget

Had just one of his dazes,

Turned to his friend,

Said “No Sam! The ring’s mine,”

Then dumbass lost his finger

And it all turned out fine.

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