Superman has kryptonite.
Spiderman has tiny knives.
Batman has gravity
And Cat-woman’s nine lives.
Wolverine has bad-hair-days.
Underdog has Polly.
Godzilla has the human race,
And “The Beav” has Wally.
Chubby folks have ice cream.
Skinny folks have breezes.
Rats have humans, dogs, cats,
Birds, and poison cheeses.
Chapter books have fragile spines
And test-takers have zeroes.
The theme of this poem, apparently,
Knows just five superheroes.
Filed under Poems
I went to my doctor
With a terrible cold,
A product of
My getting old.
He told me to take
Two aspirins or so,
Then gave me a bill
And bade me to go.
And now I’m in prison
For acting immorally.
I took aspirin from the store
When the doctor meant orally.
Filed under Poems
Bacon-and-egg-flavored cereal
And a glass of milk-flavored water.
That’s the last time I have breakfast
With a tipsy Harry Potter.
Somebody somewhere
Has a song in their head
As they write a short poem
From the lukewarmth of their bed.
Filed under Poems
I hear there’s a big match today,
A real treat for the eyes.
I’m never watched bowling before,
So I’m in for a surprise!
Filed under Poems
Why do bad things happen
To good people,
And good things to bad people too?
I’ve discovered the answer
To this age old question
And I’m happy to share it with you.
See, God was still young
Before existence existed
And was bored by living alone,
So the deity started
A 30-day challenge,
His Godly skills for to hone.
The first couple days
He made the earth,
Light in the night and the day.
By day six he’d made
All the animals too,
And even made the color gray.
So after six days
He was no longer inspired
And thus ended his personal goals
Nine days short of such makings
As justice and Santa
And a good hair care line for Trolls.
It’s Fry Day at Sir Spatu-lot,
My city’s favorite dining spot.
You buy your steak by ounce or pound
Or even by the name of the cow.
If you eat ten burgers, you don’t have to pay.
That is just the Spatu-lot way.
If you eat fifty burgers in one sitting
You get to park in the handicapped spot, which is fitting.
It’s been ten years since my last Fry Day.
I was banned for bad behavior, you might say,
For when they asked what I wanted to eat
I asked for a salad without any meat.
Filed under Poems
Red roses for passion.
White roses for peace.
Yellow for friendship
And renewing your lease.
Yet why I am here
Nobody knows,
For what is the meaning
Of a camouflage rose?
Filed under Poems
I cried all night,
I cried all day,
But still these parents
Won’t go away.
Filed under Poems
Far and wide I looked for you,
O’er mountains and rivers and bogs.
I fought off a dragon and two rabid dogs
And the rest of your family too.
I questioned the oracle up on the ridge
And she asked, “Where did you see her last?”
And so I pondered the memories past
And went home to look in the fridge.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 