Category Archives: Poems

Brian’s Mother

It was a positive sign and a terrible truth,
A cross the week after, an x made of pink.
All her hopes and dreams were replaced by two lines.
Her destiny lay in the sink.

She didn’t know what she wanted to do with her life,
But she knew precisely what she must.
It didn’t matter that she herself was a child
Or whether or not it was just.

All that mattered to her was an image
That sang and laughed inside her soul
Of the tiny unborn child
That had come to make her whole.

Seven months and a ton of vitamins later
She’d painted the bedroom blue
And hung a tiny mobile
And purchased the baby shoes.

All the while she sang and smiled,
And now and then she wept,
Her entire life an accident
That kicked her while she slept.

Thirty days and thirty nights
And the sun rose, orange and gray.
Thirty times more came the morning sun,
Rosy pink, each happy day.

Until arose the sixtieth sun,
And the mother’s sweet sixteen,
And the golden sky brought a bolt of pain,
And the hospital bed was clean.

The doctor came, all dressed in white,
The child’s hair was red.
And the words “his name is Brian”
Were the last her mother said.

And so the girl lived in the blue room
Amidst her mother’s love.
And an angel looks on her daughter Brian
From a happy place above,

And the angel never once considered
Her life to have been a loss.
And she smiles, remembering how she was saved
By that small magenta cross.

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The Magnificent (Seven+Five)

‘Twas a fine midwinter rodeo
And we were thankful it hadn’t snowed.
We were nearly done, the steers had run,
And the bulls had all been rode.

But the final event was canceled,
And it’s a funny reason why:
Turns out that all the broncos choked,
When a blue/green bird flew by.

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I Pledge Revenge

A friendly bit of hazing,
That’s all it really was.
No need to tell outsiders.
No need to call the fuzz.

But halfway down the mountain
I realized the hoax,
And as I died on the spiky rocks below
I swore they’d pay for their jokes.

I may not get a spot in heaven,
Might even go down below,
But revenge is a dish best served cold
And my body’s cold as snow.

I plan on haunting those nu phi guys
And filling their lives with frights,
And I’m writing all this with the hopes
That I can sell the movie rights.

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On Deception and Burning Pants

“Liar, liar, pants on fire”
Was a taunt I often heard
From kids at school, and parents too
And even a parrot bird.*

So I thought I’d test the theory,
So I lied for 30 days.
Not once in that deceitful month
Did my pants catch in a blaze.

So I look now at the irony
Of a saying people try
To use to discourage dishonesty
Is, in itself, a lie.

Or maybe I’m overthinking again.

* This is a lie. I have never heard a parrot say “liar, liar, pants on fire.”

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Tundra Safari

As I was walking on the tundra
I came upon a moose.
I wanted to shoot it with my gundra
‘Til I saw it was wearing shoes.

So as it turned, a log I hid undera,
Hoping to avoid its mighty gaze.
Its footsteps were as loud as thundera,
But it didn’t see me through the haze.

I hid until the setting sundra
Passed behind the frozen ground.
I went home quickly. I was donedra,
And I hoped the shoe moose wasn’t around.

I remember that trip and all the fundra
I had on that permafrost.
And one day, back I’m sure to rundra
To bag the moose I lost.

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Simile’s Birthday

Her smile was wide as a toothpick
And her face glowed like a new moon
When she opened my birthday gift
And discovered I’d given her a spoon.

Her words were clean as a dumpster,
Thanking me like a wrecking ball.
For the next few weeks we had sex like mushrooms,
By which I mean no sex at all.

But I think she still loves me regardless
And I’m still in love with my wife.
But both of us are happy as clams that
I chose not to buy her a knife.

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Whale… Shucks

“Greetings fellow porpoises,”
The humpback sang at sea.
“Our pod has a new member,”
And he gestured right at me.

That sparked the two epiphanies
That in my mind had lurked:
The fact that I spoke whale,
And that my diet hadn’t worked.

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The Color of Night

Night fell and bruised his arm
One sunny day in June.
Day was running of light
And night had to take over soon.

Night was very nervous
And he asked “What shall I do?”
As it turns out, no one cared at all
That night was black and blue.

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Bumblebee (In a Way)

You see a male bovine stand
At the corner of main street and sunny
Saying Hello, my name’s Bull A.
“May I please have some money?”

So you give some cash to the bum, Bull A,
When around the corner you do see
A second bull, begging for honey
And you know that he is Bum Bull B.

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The Star Spangled Blind Date

Oh say can you see
By the fluorescent lights
That red flag you sought out
On their online profile,

That was written so well,
Focused on good highlights
But it failed to reveal
All the things that were vile.

As the waiters brings food
And your date wrecks the mood
By reciting some thoughts
That are terribly lewd.

“Oh say, did you notice
It’s getting too late for me.
“This was a very special night,”
You lie as you flee.

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