So began the monologue:
“Yes, of course I’ll train the dog!”
And in hindsight this we see
Was the greatest lie in history.
Such is the river adamant:
Nor swift upon the rocks
Nor should she nod
When it means “optic nerve,”
Or so the sages said.
Two times the wolf.
Two times the narrator.
So why is this a lie detector?
Just read this to someone and ask them what it means to them.
If they say “it’s crap,” congratulations! You have an honest friend.
If they say “the bit about the wolf was chilling” (or anything else, for that matter) you have a suck up, a liar, or (worst of all) a PhD on your hands.
I stood out here once before
Seeking what could not be found
Head to toe in the neon cloak of midnight
Listening for the absence of a sound.
I saw humans crawl past empty sidewalks
Burning gas and paying fares
On the way to work that will empower them
To buy their surplus worries and cares.
They seek comfort in a glasses, pills, and needles,
Pray for hope through a politician’s lies.
Paychecks promise them the satisfaction
Of being happy in someone else’s eyes.
Red-eye pilots flee this urban heaven
Carrying those with sense enough to flee.
I just read my scripts and idly wonder
What it’s like to see a real tree.
When I was ten
The world was bright.
The sun would wear a smile.
When I was twenty
The world was fun
And I ran a four-minute mile.
After I turned the thirty
The world was my oyster.
I was truly in the flow,
And now I’m ninety-eight years old
Being told “the memory’s first to go.”
I want to talk about the months
And where their names came from.
Please know all of these are true
Even if they sound dumb.
Jan and Ferb Uary
Were brothers who shared a belle.
Jan got mad and misspelled Ferb’s name
But it all ended up pretty well.
March is based on Mcdonald’s logo.
April was the belle Jan and Ferb liked.
May is a grammatically better version of “can.”
June’s the month that nobody liked.
July was Julie, but was sad about Ferb
And got misspelled too ’cause she was so stressed.
August was named by a Texan who
In his accent said the words “I guessed.”
September was God’s gift to calendar’s everywhere.
October was named by someone who thought Ctober was lame.
Nov and Dec Ember were also brothers
But are last in the year ’cause they both had a stupid name.
I hope you feel more knowledgable
About months, but you probably don’t.
I hope you share this with your friends
But if you’re a smart person you probably won’t.
I have no ambition,
Motivation, manly vigor.
I have very little money
And just three inches down there.
I wish I were more macho,
Richer, smarter, or just bigger
But your ad said if I’m honest
Then you really couldn’t care.
Today is my birthday.
I’m seven days old.
From now on when they tell me
“Park the DeLorean”
I’ll do what I’m told.