Tag Archives: Rhymes

When You Think You’re Setting Yourself Up For A Challenge, But Then Everything Goes Way Too Easily

I promised myself I wouldn’t write

Another “Night before Christmas” parody.

So now I have to come up with

Hard rhymes, like “Carroty”.

Also included are “Parity”,

“Ferrety”, “charity”, “merrity”,

“Clarity”, “plurality,” “McGarrity”, “Jarret E.”

I guess those rhymes aren’t such a rarity!

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When Your Vocabulary Is Larger Than Your Target Audience

‘Twas Christmas Eve morning

And one hirsute hyperborean

Was done making toys

And now streaming “The Mandolorian.”

In a matter of hours

Gifts would be delivered on-time.

Meanwhile, one naughty poet

Was pleased with a rhyme.

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When You Try To Rhyme And It All Goes Wrong

She asked to buy a stove,

A stove she could love.

They asked at what cost?

“The one that costs the most.”

They heard what she said

And watched as she paid.

Then they helped her move

The new stove, her love.

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Hear Hear!

Here’s to the year

That’s drawing near

(Or, depending when you read this,

Is already here),

I year where the queer

Have no need to fear,

Where we can steer clear

Of those who would sneer

And our get-in-shape goals

Can go get back in gear.

May your pain disappear

In the upcoming year

And if you partook of beer

Of deer may you steer clear.

I hope that my well wishes

Have thus been made clear

For this poem, readers dear,

You will find endeth here.

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Any Time An “…Uck” Word Falls Into The Rhyme Scheme

I wanted to play hockey

And be like a Canuck.

I settled for air hockey

But I didn’t have a puck.

A lot of you tuned out of the story

Because the last rhyme might be (from the record struck)

And for those of you who think that

Too bad! You’re out of luck.

(Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk)

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When You Think “That Would Rhyme Well,” Realize You Were Wrong, And Don’t Fix It

There once was a man named Jared Russ

Who was fond of munching canned asparagus.

He ate it all the time

But for lack of a rhyme

Often said things were Ceteris Parabus.

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Dr. Seuss Beware!

There was a skunk named Dink

Who didn’t stink,

Which, at least for Dink, stank.

He played at skunk school

But smelled really cool

And thus his social standing sank.

They flunked the poor skunk

And he packed up his trunk.

He greatly disliked the school’s thinking,

But he too understood

Skunks can’t be what they should

If said skunks stunk like Dink did at stinking.

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But What Does Salt Smell Like Anyway?

I danced a sappy sort of waltz-

The type that’s rife with lots of schmaltz.

The I passed out, demonstrating my faults.

That’s why I’m grateful for smellingsalts.

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That’s Why Babies Look Funny When They Learn To Walk!

If life were like a video game

I think it quickly would get lame

‘Cause everyone would act the same

And people would compete for fame

And money and stuff you’d seek to claim

And maybe you’d love a token dame.

Your repeated failures might cause shame

And you’d be worthy of others’s blame.

You’ll find comfort in a pet to tame

And maybe give it a funny name

Like Blooper, Tweazle, Grumps, or Zame…

Holy crap! Life’s just like a video game!

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If I Were A Duck

I think poetic ducks

Have a fondness for fresh cumin

Since that enables many jokes

Of mallards shouting “human!”

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