I wanted to play hockey
And be like a Canuck.
I settled for air hockey
But I didn’t have a puck.
A lot of you tuned out of the story
Because the last rhyme might be (from the record struck)
And for those of you who think that
Too bad! You’re out of luck.
(Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk)
There once was a man named Jared Russ
Who was fond of munching canned asparagus.
He ate it all the time
But for lack of a rhyme
Often said things were Ceteris Parabus.
There was a skunk named Dink
Who didn’t stink,
Which, at least for Dink, stank.
He played at skunk school
But smelled really cool
And thus his social standing sank.
They flunked the poor skunk
And he packed up his trunk.
He greatly disliked the school’s thinking,
But he too understood
Skunks can’t be what they should
If said skunks stunk like Dink did at stinking.
I danced a sappy sort of waltz-
The type that’s rife with lots of schmaltz.
The I passed out, demonstrating my faults.
That’s why I’m grateful for smellingsalts.
If life were like a video game
I think it quickly would get lame
‘Cause everyone would act the same
And people would compete for fame
And money and stuff you’d seek to claim
And maybe you’d love a token dame.
Your repeated failures might cause shame
And you’d be worthy of others’s blame.
You’ll find comfort in a pet to tame
And maybe give it a funny name
Like Blooper, Tweazle, Grumps, or Zame…
Holy crap! Life’s just like a video game!
Pretty much everything
Goes well most of the time,
But every now and then
One can’t think of a rhyme.
I’d written the first couplet,
But not the one that followed it.
‘Twas on the tip of my tongue,
But, alas, I think I swallowed it.