,kcolb s’retirw evah I syad emoS
.hturt eht si tahT
,hguoht smeop tsop llits I
.htuocnu semitemos er’yeht hguohT
meop siht etirw I yadot woN
.esruoc fo, sdrawkcaB
.ti daer nac uoy epoh I
.esroh a no m’I
Category Archives: Poems
What’s Missing?
‘Twas a misty night, and Watson
Accompanied by Sherlock Holmes,
Pitched their tent under the stars
And went where dreams do roams.
A couple hours later,
Sherlock shook his friend awake.
He said, “Watson, look above you,
And tell me what observation you can make.”
Watson looked above him
And saw millions of stars.
“If there’s millions of stars above us,
Maybe there are planets with life, like ours.”
Sherlock sighed, annoyed,
And into the woods he went.
“Where are you going?” Watson shouted.
Holmes replied, “To find our tent.”
Filed under Poems
Serious Black
My name’s Lashawn,
And I ain’t funny.
I think animals are cute:
I have a pet bunny.
I named it rabbit,
‘Cause that’s accurate.
I don’t hit people with chairs.
Instead, in them I sit.
If you pick a fight with me
On a moonless Autumn night,
I’ve got a serious advantage
‘Cause I blend in with darkness (I’m not white).
I believe in doing things
Without a sense of humor.
If you don’t find this funny ’cause it’s racially insensitive,
I hope you get a tumor.
Word.
Filed under Poems
Emo Wedding
I sit in a dark room, combing my hair.
I apply shadows to my eyes.
I wear a gown of vermillion, and sip the air
As to my feet I rise.
My nails are as red as an infants blood,
And tear drops dot the room.
I gaze at myself in the mirror.
My God, I’m a sexy groom.
Filed under Poems
Exhaustion
You ever have that feeling where your eyes won’t stay up?
When your fingers are heavy and you can’t lift a cup?
When you feel you’ll crash any minute now,
And likely hit your face on the keyboard? Ow!
I’m glad I don’t feel like tht
Cause that would make me fel like my facw went splat!
I need to slepp now, or sleep wil tak me by force.
Is this oem finsiheeeedmkkkkkkkkjgijjjjjjjjhnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Filed under Poems
A Very Clean Poem
There once was a man who lived under a rock.
He liked to watch girls while he stroked his
Llama, which was small. It had been born a runt,
And to top it all off, it had a misshapen
Ear,so the man talked to a vet, who said, “Tough luck.
Your llama’s deformed, and I don’t give a
Medicine normally for this sort of thang.
But this is a llama I would like to
Treat.” And the vet left his the room and bid the man to sit.
The vet talked to his wife, then he knelt to lick her
Lollipop that she had frozen that morn.
Meanwhile, the llama’s owner watched some real dirty
Kids sit under trees, cedar and yew.
He thought “Those are children I really want to
Get to know better,” but decided against it.
Long story short, the llama got better, and did happily spit.
Filed under Poems
The Conception of Christ
In the year of 1 B.C.
God called Gabriel.
“There’s a girl I’ve been watching, Gabe,” he said.
“In love, I fear I’ve fell.
“Gabe, I want her to have my child,”
But Gabe, he did protest.
“If all humans are your children,
Then isn’t this plan incest?”
Eventually, the angel caved,
And flew on down to Earth.
He flew into a manger,
And spoke to the woman who was to give birth.
“Nice place you have here Mary!”
He said, that April day.
“But do you ever tire of sleeping with this ass?”
Joseph arose, and shouted “Hey!”
“I’m talking about a donkey,” Gabe replied,
As he sat down on the hay-ster.
“Long story short, God want’s you pregnant.
He sent me with a turkey baster.”
“I will not let you do this, sir!”
Joseph shouted, getting mad-y.
“Don’t worry Joe,” Mary soothed.
“You can be the baby daddy!”
And nine months later, Christ was born
Inside that very manger.
If that’s not how you heard the story,
Where do you get your info, stranger?
Filed under Poems
Lazy Limericks
There once was a poet named David.
Night and day, on this blog, he slave-id.
But one Saturday, hazy,
He felt rather lazy,
So to the temptation of limericks he cave-id.
Alas, he still had no ideas.
This was one of his great fea’s!
Poems aren’t noisy.
He spelled fear like a guy from New Joisey,
And he screwed up his meter/shed tea’s.
And thus I do finish this post.
It has few worthy features to boast.
But I’m tired and stuff,
And this is probably enough,
So dear reader, these limericks are toast!
Top 5 Super Villains Of Our Time
5: Spider Man
Well, yes, he is a hero.
That is good and well,
But this is spidey’s evil twin,
And like spiders, he’s scary as hell!
4: The Licenser
The Licenser is an insidious one.
He makes you wait in line.
He restricts your access to cars and guns
And he also makes you wait in line.
(Did I mention the waiting in line thing)?
3: The Pizza Delivery Boy Killer
No, he doesn’t kill delivery boys.
He eviller than that.
He poisons the pizzas you order in
With carbohydrates and saturated fat.
2: The Baby
Loud, obnoxious, and stinky,
It’s a villain with a potent defense:
You cannot kill a baby.
That’s just common courtesy. Such is the pretense.
And Finally:
1: The Internet
It’s said that most Americans
Are on the web 2.5 hours a day.
That’s 9.6 percent of your life.
Let me put it this way:
If you live to be one hundred years old,
You’ll only live to be 90.
Don’t believe me? Well look at your screen.
You’re on the internet, and it’s kicking your hiney.
Filed under Poems
Roses and Violets
Roses are red,
Violets are purple.
If you’re seeking bad poems,
I’ve got a curple.
Roses are red,
Violets are not.
But they share one addiction:
They can’t live without a pot.
Some roses are red,
Some roses are white.
I forget about violets,
But nobody gives a s***.
Filed under Poems
