My friends all shouted “goose”
As the spear flew towards my head.
I might be alive today
If they shouted “duck” instead.
Tag Archives: Games
New Releases, Same As The Old Releases
The plots of every video game
Turn out to be exactly the same:
An underdog becomes more skilled
Until the villain can be killed.
I created a game of my own
That you can play without a phone
In which a group of Demon Lords
Present you with various rewards.
Some give freedom, some give wealth.
Some guarantee you perfect health.
Some will make the world at peace
Or let you meet the cast of “Grease.”
Your character has just one year
(Minus time for sleeping, work, and beer)
To help your choice of Demon Lord
Get the power to give you your reward.
And after all is said and done
Whichever Demon eventually won
Will not give you what they said.
They’ll do what’s best for them instead.
How many of you think “sounds like fun?”
Oh really? I guess that’s no one…
The name of the game is Election Day.
It’s coming in November to the USA.
Fantasy Earth
Sometimes I wonder if the gods
Are playing “Fantasy Earth,”
Which is just like fantasy football
But for those of divine birth.
I like to think that up above
Something that’s divine
Is checking out my karma stat
And knowing that I’m fine.
Divine intervention
Might influence your fate,
But it’s just a way to win the league
For a thunder god named Nate.
So here’s to being MVP
If things don’t go amiss.
I really hope I don’t get benched
For having written this.
Filed under Poems
Pictionary
He drew a pair of tentacles
And a rocket on its side
With a pair of spiny barnacles
Beneath a grey-black sky.
Barry shouts “it’s patriotism,”
And Andy says “That’s it!”
The rest of us just sit and stare,
And Laura says “well, shit.”
Cards Against Humanity
I’m asked to finish up a phrase
In this black-boxed party craze,
But I find it’s rather hard to do.
For these cards here in my hand:
In other games, they would be banned
And I don’t know what half of them are. Do you?
Filed under Poems
Fluffy, White
Have you ever looked up at a cloud
And spoken of its looks aloud?
“That one looks like Canada.”
“I thought it looked like a pelican. Huh.”
It’s a childish game, I guarantee
But play it once to help you see
That a childish game just once a day
Makes fluffy and white what once was gray.
Filed under Poems
The Games We Play
One black drop in a gilded cage.
A red drop falls at its flank.
And so they pile upon themselves
Like tears, but far less dank.
And so we build a motif
‘Til the discs can fall no more
And one man slumps, defeated,
Since his rival connected four.
Filed under Poems
How Board Games Are Made
No one’s shouted “Uno”
In what seems like years.
No one’s held my colorful cards
And laughed and spilled their beers.
No one’s read house rules
Or over my manual pored,
And while I am a card game
I’m starting to get bored.
Filed under Poems
Stay-at-home Offspring
Don’t think that I’m a layabout,
A lazy waste of space.
Just see me as a checker
Who never leaves his space,
As a successful “Sorry” token
Who finally made it home,
Or a monopoly piece in jail
Because it costs too much to roam.
I that this 38-year-old
Doesn’t want to leave.
I just think I’m most valuable
At home, deterring thieves.
And while I don’t have money
It’s unfair to scoff
‘Cause any day my Etsy store
Is going to take off!
Filed under Poems
The Boss’s Song
Whoever built this universe
Gave me a lousy deal.
I’m the world’s strongest failure,
And that’s a lousy way to feel.
See, I have a job I cannot leave
For which I am reviled,
Waiting for a protagonist
To arrive at my domicile
To strike me down with spell and steel,
And even if I win
He saved his game, and back he comes,
Our battle to begin.
If that is not a handicap
Sufficient for your taste,
My actions are predetermined.
My talents are a waste.
And so, grand noble hero
Please take this victory
And feel proud of the achievement
Of beating poor old me.
