Tag Archives: Gender

The Least Surprising Story Ever

The gender-neutral pronoun

In the english tongue is “he”

According to the Chicago Manual of Style.

A person on the internet

Disagreed with me.

He was a vegan 49ers fan named Kyle.

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Yes, I Was Playing White

I played a game of chess today

With a lass from West L.A.

I pinned her king and said “Checkmate,”

But West L.A demanded “Wait!”

She pointed out that I had doomed

A king whose gender I’d assumed

And what my small mind hadn’t seen

Was that I had trapped her second queen.

Having no method now to win

I concluded she had done me in.

Now the world can only guess:

Why don’t more lesbians play chess?

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Thanks State-Funded Early Childhood Education!

I read my child the story

Of a little red poultry whom

I respect, thus its female genitalia

Did not cause me its gender to assume.

My child looked up and said “Parent,

“I like when you do funny voices

“But why can’t we read about princesses

“Then make our own damn political choices?”

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That’s Pronounced “She-it”

Apparently my teachers were wrong

And there aren’t boys and girls.

Turns out gender is “representational,”

Or so the new story unfurls.

Seeing that sex doesn’t matter

To whether you’re he, she, or other

I think we need a singular pronoun

That applies equally to one another.

In the past we were male and female

And likewise called he or she.

Apparently the gender-neutral

Is also important, so they tell me.

So I have an unbiased option

To represent them, me, and you:

We can just say humans are SHeIt.

It has all three pronouns, and also is true!

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Support For The 58* Genders?

If you’ve got a gender

And that gender is Agender

Than an Agender gender

Is the gender that you’ve got,

But if you think non-cis is nonsense

And you don’t buy into bi

Then things which you are thinking

May be different than you thought.

There’s a rift between androgyny,

Pangender folks, and the FTM.

You may think that there’s no difference

Between trans-males and trans-men,

Or that trans-ness is divided

Down the trans-two-gender line

When in fact the trans-varieties

Number nearly twenty-nine!

If your creed denies this credence

You’ll be supported a few more years,

But if the “miss” in “miscelaneous”

Offends you, have no fears;

If you identify as other

But don’t like “other” as your name

Then nonconforming, variant, or non-binary

Are semi-synonyms for you to claim.

And if you want to carve your identity

In history’s hallowed halls

Invent your own custom gender now.

(May I suggest: No-balls?)

And make the list grow larger

Than the current 58

And you can show the establishment

That you don’t want America to again be great! 

*Subject to change

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Why I’m No Longer A Gender Studies Major

Nevertheless

Always the more

Seldom the -ible

But often the horr-

Too much conniption

For such a poor fit

This new lack of him/her

Well, I’m tired of it

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The Newest Gender Identity

Under the apple tree

You are you, I am me.

We can hug and kiss all day

And never hear the others say

“Why are you kissing that horse?”

They don’t understand of course

But under the apple tree… well, there

No one ever seems to care.

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