Soft doggy, warm doggy,
You I do implore:
Happy doggy, sleepy doggy,
Please don’t poop at midnight right outside my bedroom door.
Again.
Tag Archives: Gross
Bachelor Chow
I made a pizza
With with kale and s’mores,
Sime slightly-burnt Dr. Pepper
And pastrami galore!
Now you mean to say
You ain’t hungry no more?
Filed under Poems
Why Is The Seat Still Damp?
Have you heard of zen archery,
Where you shoot straight and narrow
By using all your strength of will
Until you become the arrow?
I used that logic on my roommate
And got him really pissed.
Alas, he’s no zen archer
‘Cause somehow he still missed.
Filed under Poems
But It’s Organic!
It had an extra leg, I think,
And several extra eyes.
I don’t know how it got into my drink.
Oh look at that… it flies!
Filed under Poems
Not Gone
Somewhere in Denmark
Resides a cave
Where those thought to be dead
Live out their lives,
Where Elvis and dinosaurs
Frolic and play
With Erik the Red
And all of his wives.
But most of the caves
Is filled with Red Shirts
And half of the cast
Of “Game of Thrones,”
Along with unknown soldiers,
Shakespearean folk,
And all of the Jedi
Killed by the clones.
The cave’s getting crowded,
So Danes be aware
Of the incoming march
Of the shower-drain hair.
Filed under Poems
Not Quite Campbell’s…
Cauldron wide and hungry,
You will be used today.
My stomach growls; It’s rumbly.
My hair is turning gray.
If I don’t make an antidote
For this sickness, oh so grim
Then as a ghost, away I’ll float.
Yes cauldron, let’s begin.
First we’ll add some pepper,
then three strong legs of toad.
The teardrops of a lepper,
And dust from a windy road.
We’ll toss in eye of rabbit,
The gizzard of my neighbor,
The vegetables of an abbot,
And the figurative fruits of labor.
I toss in something to slicken
The consistency of this great brew.
Then I toss in an extra-large chicken,
And I gaze joyfully at this stew.
Finally, some soap that smells fruity,
And a rhino’s pustulous poop!
My antidote’s the epitome of beauty:
A witch’s homemade chicken soup.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 