Tag Archives: Bathroom

The New Theory Of Relativity

If you’re in the bathroom

And a minute passes by

You don’t even notice

That on the other side

The guy outside the bathroom

Has lived 100 years alone

In a near-death state while you

Read your email on your phone.

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I wanted to let you know

I wrote this poem on the toilet.

I thought it best to keep it brief

In case that secret did spoil it.

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Robots of the Night

We’ve got robots to drive us,

To serve us, to vacuum,

To search the web, to save us

From our eventual fiery doom.

One robot no one’s thought of

That would really do a lot

Is a robot to replace the toilet paper roll.

Until then to the cupboard we’ll walk/squat.

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A Few Good Runs

I eat a plum

To celebrate

A happy day,

Successful date,

A win at work,

A good night’s sleep,

Looking at a woman

Without seeming like a creep.

I’ve been succeeding

In lots of ways,

And I’ll be out of the bathroom

One of these days…

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The Bathrooms Are Clean In Seattle

There was moisture on

The toilet seat.

Somebody had to

Take the heat

For failing to properly

Aim their piss.

We blamed the Minnesotan,

‘Cause when it counts, they miss.

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A Table By The Men’s Room

Our eyes joined as one

Across the smoky hall.

Your heartbeat grew faster

And you let out a call.

I stood and approached,

So graceful and tall.

You thought of love,

And I of nature’s call.

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Why Is The Seat Still Damp?

Have you heard of zen archery,

Where you shoot straight and narrow

By using all your strength of will

Until you become the arrow?

I used that logic on my roommate

And got him really pissed.

Alas, he’s no zen archer

‘Cause somehow he still missed.


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