I jumped out from behind a door
To startle a friend. They screamed
And said I scared them half to death.
My evil eye then gleamed
And I leapt out another time
To scare the other half away
But turns out they’re just 3/4 dead
And otherwise okay…
Tag Archives: Scary
The Gen Alpha Song
I was born too late for a peaceful life,
Born to a woman who was not a wife,
Raised by a screen and a TikTok star
With no life skills but a brand new car.
My first day of school was in my bedroom.
I made new friends with the help of Zoom.
My kindergarten cred was instantly blown
‘Cause I’m five years old but using last year’s phone.
I can’t read yet and that won’t change soon
‘Cause Alexa can read me Good Night Moon,
My browser can do homework for me
Thanks to indifferent teachers and a GPT.
By 2050 we’ll be on the presidential stage
Campaigning for a million dollar minimum wage
So better get some rizz unless you’ve got gyat
‘Cause here we come world, ready or not.
Filed under Poems
Method Acting
As long as we’re recasting movies
Where male characters are now girls
I hope they can remake “Terminator”
As Hillary Clinton vs. the world.
Filed under Poems
Trick or Treat, Seattle!
Normally on Halloween
I prefer to not be seen
Given that my costume for
The day is whatever’s atop my drawer.
Today, however, I wore the clothes
Of something scarier than all of those
Who think vampires or ghosts and such
Are terrifying. Not so much!
Yes indeed, they could not hide
The fact that they were terrified.
I was a terror they’d never seen:
A religious exemption to the covid vaccine.
Filed under Poems
Okay Zoomer
In the future, little kids
Will visit their Grandma’s houses
And bring along 3D-printed candy
And all four of their spouses
And in between rounds of “Doom 35”
Grandma will tell the tale
Of how when she was a little boy
It was hip to say “epic fail.”
Filed under Poems
Baby Fat
They made a bigger, safer playground
For the children at the school
And the big kids and the babies
Both agree it’s pretty cool,
And the makers cash their checks
For saving kids from pain
And the parents who know better
See the baby fat remain.
They made a kinder, gentler college
For the kids of yesteryear
Where thinking is discouraged
Because it sometimes causes fear
And the makers plan the lessons
And the students love their chains
And the thinkers keep their distance
And the baby fat remains.
They made predictable excitements
For the prisoners of money
And the watchers and the buyers
Say “That’s scary,” or “That’s funny,”
And the makers give themselves awards
For cutting with the grain
And the living have walked out
Because the baby fat remains.
They gave us safer deadly toxins
And harder automatic wins
And a tolerant sort of hatred
And more pleasant deadly sins.
The makers smile, their strategy
Entirely on track
Because the folks who have the baby fat
Are folks who don’t fight back.
Filed under Poems
Strange Phobias
There once was a young christmas tree
Who saw mom and dad chopped by me.
It stands still for now,
But someday, somehow
It will run fresh out of mercy…
Filed under Poems
That Last One Will Hit You All Over The Place
No one will evacuate
For Hurricane Irma or Steve.
Those aren’t the type of names
That make Floridians leave.
I think we need more hurricanes
Like Hurricane Buried Alive,
Hurricane Dirt-On-The-Clintons,
Or Hurricane Black-Guy-High-Five.
Filed under Poems
Hot and Cold
I watched her eat the popsicle
With long and sultry licks.
Her eyes met mine and so she threw
A nibble in the mix.
She slid it in and out again
‘Til it got soft and warm
And then she killed its family
And I left the women’s dorm.
Filed under Poems
The Enemy of My Enemy
You might be afraid of tigers.
You might run away from a bear,
But when a spider on your ceiling
Can give you such a scare
Think of the microscopic guy
Who made the spider hide up there!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 