The yeti is a peaceful beast
Who lacks in privacy
‘Cause he’s always being hunted down
By chaps like you and me.
So I began a coalition
To give bigfoot some peace.
I call it SKYP, which stands for
Stop Katching Yeti Please.
I put the group on Facebook
But not on that Twitter site
‘Cause in 140 characters or less
I can’t get my message right.
So if you’re concerned with freedom
For out Northern monstrous friend
Please send me checks or paypal,
And that’s this poem’s end.
Filed under Poems
My Grandpa was a pilot,
My Grandma was a nurse,
But my dad made the big money.
He was the guy who drove the hearse.
Filed under Poems
I became a mafioso
As a way to pay my bills,
As well as for the infamy
And the less-than-legal thrills.
I thought I was a renegade,
Far away from “nine to five.”
As it turns out a life of crime
Is a fairly blasé jive.
I wake up in the morning
And I drink my coffee black
While I eat a few calzone
And plan the day’s attack.
Then I hop into my auto
And I collect the cash
From those under my “protection”
And the guys who sell my hash.
I rob some banks, but get no thanks.
I work weekends all the time.
I cause some wrecks and stack the decks
But I’m un-fulfilled by crime.
At the end of the day we wise-guys,
Goodfellas, and Made-men
Sleep off our indiscretions
And then do it all again.
So here’s my two weeks notice
With all this crook’s respect.
I’m getting out, just hoping
Papa Gino don’t object.
Frodo carried Sauron’s ring
Through Middle Earth to Mordor.
My second cousin Marty hosts
A smuggling ring across the border.
I fell in love, in a ring of fire,
Though you bug me all to heck.
Now it’s a question of “put a ring on it”
Or just to wring your neck.
It doesn’t take a PhD
To see just what you do to me.
Sometimes I want an MBA
To manage all I want to say.
I feel the need for an MD
Whenever I feel your caress.
I hope that you love me enough
To tolerate this man’s BS.
Filed under Poems
I try to make
Some cash to take
Home to my wife, Em.
I try to paint,
And good I ain’t,
Though the hotels take to them.
Filed under Poems
Perhaps people purposefully
Alienate alliteration,
Prob’ly ’cause they tried it once before.
Then they found abbreviation
Which is sup’r fun and simpl’
And they switch’d allegiances forev’r mor’.
Filed under Poems
I’m better at sex
Than I am at sports.
It’s really very clear
Since I’m lightyears away
From the MBA
But half a foot from a porn-star career.
Filed under Poems
The winter wind,
The soggy snow
Gather amidst
My auburn hair.
The polar ice
Is all I know,
Yet not at home
Do I feel there.
You think I am
Abominable,
Which makes me feel
Out of place,
But I am just
A ginger yeti.
Please put away
Your mace.
Filed under Poems
A young ostrich nun
Walked into a bar
And met a young emu
With two dozen eggs.
She had been looking
For young souls to teach,
And he for a chick with long legs.
So she squawked and he flirted
And showed her his cartons
And she buried her habited
Head in the sand.
And both of them left,
Neither one satisfied.
Neither one left a tip for the band.
The very next day
The ostrich logged in
To FlightlessBirdsMingle.com
Where she sought others
With broods to be won.
The emu just hired a madame.
Filed under Poems
