Tag Archives: Babies

Yet More Biblical Scholarship

When Jesus was a baby,

Two or three years maybe,

He probably had a phase of asking “why?”

“Why was I born a Jew?”

“Why’re the sky and water blue?”

“Why don’t wise men ever bring me pie?”

And I’m inspired by Mary,

As her baby she did carry

For It must take considerable skill

To look at Baby God

With a motherly sort of nod

And answer him “Because it is your will.”

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True Love? Oh Baby!

I saw her in a Pampers ad

During some mindless family show.

I’d not ’til then fallen in love

But that’s the way things go.

I loved the sunshine in her hair,

The drool upon her chin,

The way the super-absorbency

Accented her alabaster skin.

I called the network, desperately

Seeking to find her name

But I couldn’t connect with anyone.

My only other option? Fame!

I scored a role in a ketchup ad,

Then became a multi-roler

When I starred as the kid who modeled

The Cadillac B-90 Stroller.

I was the hottest babe in Hollywood,

Beloved for being small,

Yet still I’d not connected with her

For whom I’d done it all.

And so my heart goes on and on,

Never to bestill.

I pray I’ll play beside her,

The Jack unto her Jill.

Until that fateful future day

I spend my nights alone,

Just me and my beloved

Via Youtube on my phone.

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More Specific Lullaby

Hush little baby,

Don’t say a word.

Well,

That was easy.

Now quit crying.

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He Looks Just Like You

I’ve got a crippling fear of insects,

But that’s not much of an issue

Since I work inside a hospital

In the birthing ward.

From time to time, an ugly baby

Will burst forth into my view.

I’ll say “oh look, he’s cute as a bug,”

‘Cause it’s honest and I’m bored.

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A Narcissist is Born

Look at me! Look at me!
And see what I can do!
I guarantee my specialty
Will truly amaze you.

Look at me! Look at me!
I am the very best
At getting your attention
When you’d prefer to rest.

Look at me! Look at me!
Let’s pull an all-nighter
‘Cause bonding time (and being fed)
Makes our family tighter.

Look at me! Look at me!
I’m the greatest kid available,
And when bidding starts at $10.99
My value’s unassailable.

Look at me just one last time
As you mail this box away.
I’m sorry that I cried so much
You sold me on Ebay.

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Reason to be Happy #1

Who the hell takes candy from babies?

Do you know anyone?

It’s a sick sort of thing, and I’m glad people don’t.

Babies just wanna have fun.

 

So when you are moody, sad or depressed

Or your dog’s been diagnosed with rabies,

Or society bugs you like it bugs me, at least

People don’t take candy from babies.

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