There once was a bear with her cub
At the front of the line at the club.
Neither wore clothing,
And the club started closing
So I pulled out my .38 snub…
Tag Archives: Bears
Southern Love
Somewhere there’s a purple bear
Who cries itself to sleep.
The cubs call him “The purple one
“Who, when he’s sleepy, weeps.”
I want to find that purple bear
Upon one lonely night
And give him stuffed Teddy Roosevelt
And say, “It’ll be alright.”
The purple bear will thank me
As he dries his tears away
And hug the small plush human
And know that he’s okay.
I want to pat that little bear
Upon his purple head,
But I’m also scared he’ll maul me
So I’m hunting him instead.
Filed under Poems
The Silent Poet: This Is Why We Hibernate…
Amidst the misty morning,
Atop the naïve snow,
The thin white wind blew, chilly,
‘Neath sun’s unearthly glow.
The living glass of needles
Lay beneath the stalwart fir
And I, the bear, thought all this
But, alas, could only say “grr.”
Filed under Poems
Lullaby For A Cynical Man-Child
Grizzly bear
Sitting there
Playing with
My ex-wife’s hair.
He seems happy.
She seems dead.
Yes I’m morbid.
Now, off to bed.
Filed under Poems
Nature Is A Dick (Plus An Optimistic Death Message?)
I asked a skunk
“Are you a skunk?”
It didn’t answer me.
I asked a duck
To try my luck
But answer not did he.
I asked a bear
“Are you a bear?”
And at least I got an answer.
Sure, it killed me
In eight seconds.
On the bright side, hey! No cancer!
Filed under Poems
The Best I’ve Got
A panda, a koala,
A grizzly, and a pooh
Walked into the city
After they left the zoo.
They walked into a bar
And all ordered a coke.
This isn’t much of a poem,
Nor is it much of a joke.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 