Little baby bear
MAMA RUNS AND MURDERS YOU
But it was so cute…
Tag Archives: Bears
The Seahawks’ Pregame Meeting
So guys, to simplify the playbook
Before we face the Bears
We’ve trimmed our calls to minimize
The amount the fanbase cares.:
Play number one is hand it
To a guy who cannot run.
Play number two is run around
‘Til we get sacked by someone.
Play number three is throw it
To anyone not wearing green,
Or else we choose play number four:
Kick the ball worse than we’ve ever seen.
Now we may make some mistakes tonight
With this new strategy
So I’ve asked the refs to roll a die
To choose every penalty.
With randomness accounted for
And strategy entirely gone
I think we can make fans agree
That Drew Lock needs to come back on.
Filed under Poems
Unbearable
If you say “I pike pandas” everyone smiles
If you say “I don’t like koalas” that’s fine
Say what you want about grizzlies and polars
But you mention the blacks and they lose their minds…
Filed under Poems
When You Can’t Bear A Bare Bear With A Bare Bear Baby
There once was a bear with her cub
At the front of the line at the club.
Neither wore clothing,
And the club started closing
So I pulled out my .38 snub…
Filed under Poems
Southern Love
Somewhere there’s a purple bear
Who cries itself to sleep.
The cubs call him “The purple one
“Who, when he’s sleepy, weeps.”
I want to find that purple bear
Upon one lonely night
And give him stuffed Teddy Roosevelt
And say, “It’ll be alright.”
The purple bear will thank me
As he dries his tears away
And hug the small plush human
And know that he’s okay.
I want to pat that little bear
Upon his purple head,
But I’m also scared he’ll maul me
So I’m hunting him instead.
Filed under Poems
The Silent Poet: This Is Why We Hibernate…
Amidst the misty morning,
Atop the naïve snow,
The thin white wind blew, chilly,
‘Neath sun’s unearthly glow.
The living glass of needles
Lay beneath the stalwart fir
And I, the bear, thought all this
But, alas, could only say “grr.”
Filed under Poems
Lullaby For A Cynical Man-Child
Grizzly bear
Sitting there
Playing with
My ex-wife’s hair.
He seems happy.
She seems dead.
Yes I’m morbid.
Now, off to bed.
Filed under Poems
Nature Is A Dick (Plus An Optimistic Death Message?)
I asked a skunk
“Are you a skunk?”
It didn’t answer me.
I asked a duck
To try my luck
But answer not did he.
I asked a bear
“Are you a bear?”
And at least I got an answer.
Sure, it killed me
In eight seconds.
On the bright side, hey! No cancer!
Filed under Poems
The Best I’ve Got
A panda, a koala,
A grizzly, and a pooh
Walked into the city
After they left the zoo.
They walked into a bar
And all ordered a coke.
This isn’t much of a poem,
Nor is it much of a joke.
Filed under Poems
