Tag Archives: Bears

When You Can’t Bear A Bare Bear With A Bare Bear Baby

There once was a bear with her cub

At the front of the line at the club.

Neither wore clothing,

And the club started closing

So I pulled out my .38 snub…

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Southern Love

Somewhere there’s a purple bear

Who cries itself to sleep.

The cubs call him “The purple one

“Who, when he’s sleepy, weeps.”

I want to find that purple bear

Upon one lonely night

And give him stuffed Teddy Roosevelt

And say, “It’ll be alright.”

The purple bear will thank me

As he dries his tears away

And hug the small plush human

And know that he’s okay.

I want to pat that little bear

Upon his purple head,

But I’m also scared he’ll maul me

So I’m hunting him instead.

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The Silent Poet: This Is Why We Hibernate…

Amidst the misty morning,

Atop the naïve snow,

The thin white wind blew, chilly,

‘Neath sun’s unearthly glow.

The living glass of needles

Lay beneath the stalwart fir

And I, the bear, thought all this

But, alas, could only say “grr.”

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Lullaby For A Cynical Man-Child

Grizzly bear

Sitting there

Playing with

My ex-wife’s hair.

He seems happy.

She seems dead.

Yes I’m morbid.

Now, off to bed.

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Nature Is A Dick (Plus An Optimistic Death Message?)

I asked a skunk

“Are you a skunk?”

It didn’t answer me.

I asked a duck

To try my luck

But answer not did he.

I asked a bear

“Are you a bear?”

And at least I got an answer.

Sure, it killed me

In eight seconds.

On the bright side, hey! No cancer!

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The Best I’ve Got

A panda, a koala, 

A grizzly, and a pooh

Walked into the city 

After they left the zoo.

They walked into a bar

And all ordered a coke.

This isn’t much of a poem,

Nor is it much of a joke.


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