This poem is short
And not very funny,
Just like tax day
And my new lack of money.
Tag Archives: Money
Tipping Point
Twenty-five percent at breakfast,
And again for lunch and dinner.
It’s come as no surprise
That I am getting thinner.
Five dollars to the bus driver,
Ten dollars for the maid,
A fifty dollar dinner
If I’m wanting to get laid.
I’d tip my chiropractor,
But that isn’t apropos.
Sometimes I tip a homeless guy
I do not even know.
As you can see, I am
A very easy tipper.
Here’s a buck for reminding me
To examine my zipper.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
The Money/Trees Quandary: A Contemporary discussion of the Fiscal and Sociological Impacts of Wild Currency
If money grew on trees
We’d see fewer thieves,
And we’d have a new perspective
On the growing of mint leaves.
If money grew on trees
The forests would be shining
And all the coins as foliage
Would cut back the need for mining.
If money grew on trees
Then natural selection
Would show us who new world leaders are
Before their big election.
If money grew on trees
Interest in forests would grow.
No one would buy stocks;
Their investments would really grow.
If money grew on trees
Fewer fires would start via smoker
And Casinos all would move outside
For better games of poker.
If money grew on trees
One question still remains
Which raises important fiscal concerns:
What happens when it rains?
If you say “I’d save it,” you’re lying.
If I had a million bucks
I might buy a million ducks
Who would have a million ducklings
And I could watch them grow.
If I had a million bucks
I’d load them in a million trucks
And bring them around the country
To find their perfect doe.
If I had a million bucks
I’d wear a pair of diamond chucks
And a platinum pillow
For when I need to snore.
If I had a million bucks
In cash or deer or even ducks
I wouldn’t spend it prudently.
Perhaps that’s why I’m poor.
Filed under Poems
Finance for Dummies
People like having money
And they like buying things,
But choose one of those passions
And the other gets lost.
Until now, that is!
Now you can live like kings
With the finest of fashions
And none of the cost!
(Trumpet Fanfare)
I present to you the credit card!
A source of endless joy
That gives you all that you desire.
Just swipe your tears away!
And if you use the whole thing up,
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!
You’ll the friendly screeching tires
Of some bankers making sure you’re okay.
Filed under Poems
Money
Isn’t it funny
That we respect money
Although it is nothing but paper?
What I’d like to see
Is when someone like me
Realizes the loopholes of this caper.
It would only take one,
Buying a gift for someone,
To walk into the gift-buying store,
And hand out a bill
To the guy at the till,
And the checker asks “What is this for?”
“It’s money you see,”
Said a someone like me.
“Now you have to give me your stuff.”
“If that is a threat,
Out of my store you should get,”
Says the checker, and I don’t call his bluff.
But why would that man
In the store with the tan
Refuse to accept for his goods
This green piece of cash
That’s no better than trash
If, for instance, you’re stuck in the woods.
The answer to this
Is told by the myth
For children that’s called Peter Pan.
The weight money carries,
Just like “I do believe in fairies,”
Is imaginary, like a good movie by M. Night Shyamalan.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 