Tag Archives: Postaday

The Cat In The Lap

‘Twas a quiet day in the house

And a good day to be a mouse

For as the sly poet tried to come up with crap

The cat on the floor flew onto his lap.

“Hello there kitty,” the poet did shout

As the cat proceeded to let its hair all fall out.

The poet spoke more and stroked it’s blonde fur,

And the cat licked itself and mumbled a purr.

Then the poet’s appointment, confirmed as it was,

Took precedence over the self-licking fuzz. 

And so he departed, and the cat in the lap

Lay down in his sheddings for his apathy nap.

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Goverment

Plan A didn’t work,

Nor did B, C, or D.

And as plan X fails,

I think “Maybe it’s me?”

Plan Y is a dud,

And so is plan Z.

So I try plan A again,

Saying “Nah, couldn’t be.”

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Maybe Tomorrow I’ll Have A Topic

Some days before going to bed

A little voice speaks in your head:

“Write something funny

“Without sex, dogs, or money,”

And so you write limericks instead.

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Safety Tip

‘Twas three weeks since start of fall

And I heard a siren’s call

And, despite cries of protest,

Drove where the siren led.

Now I surely can attest

I was deserving of arrest.

Next time I hear a siren

I’ll pull over instead.

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Enough With The Predators!

Lions, tigers, bears, oh my.

These are sports teams, yes, but why

Isn’t there a team named after

An animal that inspires laughter?

Chicago Squid? Seattle Seagulls?

New York Newts? Boston Beagles?

Who wants to see the ducklings hit it!

I sure so! I just don’t get it.

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It All Ends Here

“Where should we sit?” I ask.

She says “Anywhere.”

So I sit in the corner,

And she says “but not there.”

So we move to the middle,

Which she doesn’t like too much.

We sat outside, but the people

Were bums, singers, and such.

We walked out to Jamaica,

And she seemed ok with that,

And I went back to the corner

With a tip of my “are you really wearing that” hat.

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Deja Ecris

You ever wake up at nine PM

And want to write away,

But the poem that fits perfectly

I already wrote yesterday?

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Thus The Lateness

You ever had that feeling

When you wake up at nine

And think “I’ve got work to do,

“But waiting twelve hours will be fine.”

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Chess as a Model of Social Justice, or Why I’m a Stay-at-home Pawn

Some are born as Queens or Kings.

Some are born as other things.

But be you bishop, rook, or knight,

At least you’re not a pawn. Am I right?

And if, unluckily, you are a pawn

You’d best just keep on keeping on.

You’ll reach a spot where life treats you fair.

(Or, more likely, you’ll get murdered on your way there).

And if you reach that special place,

A queen or rook you may replace,

Where you are but some king’s conquest

Or else called “castle,” despite your protest.

Or perhaps you’re promoted to a knight

And never again can you move quite right.

You could be a bishop, those stoic blokes

And victims of off-color  jokes.

Only one can be the king,

The chosen one, or another such thing.

So if you’re a pawn, your best bet

Is to stay still in the corner with no regret.

The happiest piece, the jolliest lord

Of the 64-square light and dark colored board

Is the piece that stays safe at home.

That’s why I no longer roam.

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Pirates

Pirates are lying, violent jerks,

Three things which I deplore,

But pirates don’t write poetry,

Which makes me respect them more.

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