If at first you don’t succeed,
LOL! Sucks to be you!
If at first I don’t succeed,
You’re dreaming. I’m perfect. All this is true.
Tag Archives: Postaday
Canada
I had to walk ten city blocks
To find Café Joie.
That’s ten times the length in Washington
To find some plain coffee.
I paid a polite barista
With a blue, 20-loony bill.
The traffic lights are flashing green,
And I can buy a prescription pill.
I can calculate distances
By moving a decimal place,
And I can drive 100
Without being in a race.
It’s a different place than the USA.
Yes, Canada’s where I’ve been.
Now I publish this, just hoping
The “yanks” will let me come back in.
Filed under Poems
Nope, Not The Cat
I live a life of luxury,
Amidst my massive family.
They rub and brush my golden hair,
And I reward them with “I don’t care.”
I have three hobbies. These are they:
On your freshly vacuumed chair I lay,
Peeing on your lovely walls,
And playing with my hairy balls.
You say you love me. Who knows why?
You’ll probably outlive me (heavy sigh).
Having me is lots of fun.
Forever yours, your teenage son.
Filed under Poems
…Too Much, Apparently
Despite being a poet,
With all the hype,
I am not
The wealthy type.
I think people
Are happiest
Without what’s fastest,
Newest, best.
Buy all that changed
When I saw you,
So bright and lovely
And oh so new.
You smelled of love
I’d long forgot,
And I liked it.
I wanted it a lot.
So now I’ve approached.
In your eyes I am lost,
And so I must ask:
How much do you cost?
Filed under Poems
Apathetic Yoda
Write a haiku?
I’d like to,
But today I won’t.
Instead you
Get this… Poo.
Care about this, I don’t.
Filed under Poems
The Little Intestine Who Could
There was too much water,
At least a gallon or two.
Little intestine was struggling
To make some pee for you.
The intestine thought “I think I can.”
As it turned out, he could.
If you didn’t like this poem
Small intestine says “you should.”
Filed under Poems
Bacon
Bacon is like Hell,
As I know all too well.
Both hurt in the end,
And the scars never mend,
But before all that, they’re swell!
Pictionary
He drew a pair of tentacles
And a rocket on its side
With a pair of spiny barnacles
Beneath a grey-black sky.
Barry shouts “it’s patriotism,”
And Andy says “That’s it!”
The rest of us just sit and stare,
And Laura says “well, shit.”
Feel-Good Movies
I want to see a movie
Unlike the Wizard of Oz
Where some guy from a magic world
Turns into a lost cause.
He’s trapped in a tornado
And carried to a place
Where the world is all in black and white
And munchkins hate his face.
He travels many miles
Down an unremarkable trail
To a city where a beurocrat
Says his journey’s doomed to fail.
It would be a dismal movie,
That makes you want to drink some Mace.
That said, I’m sick of “Game of Thrones”
And this could take its place.
Filed under Poems
Correlation
I think that caffeine
Is good for your spleen,
And I have evidence to back it up:
How often have you seen
Someone hurt a healthy spleen
While savoring something in a Starbucks cup?
Filed under Poems
