Tag Archives: Silly

A Brief History of Humans

In the beginning
The world was flat,
The king was king,
And that was that.

Then peasants saw
They’d gotten screwed.
They grabbed torches and pitchforks
And got really rude.

Now the king wasn’t king
And the Earth was a sphere
And the peasants rejoiced
And drank all the beer.

A king was elected
Who told everyone
“The beer will be back
When my four years are done.”

But the beer wasn’t back
After the Earth’s fourth turn,
So the pitchforks were sharpened
And the torches did burn.

And now the beer’s back,
Which just goes to show
That society’s perfect.
And, well, now you know.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Wrinkled and Humorless

I tried to iron my shirt today
Expecting humor all the way,
I didn’t laugh. That’s how life goes:
‘Twas less ironic than I supposed.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

I’m Thankful for Obligatory Topics

I’m thankful that the turkey
On my table is dead
And that at ten A.M
I can write poems in bed.

I’m thankful that if my poem
On Thanksgiving isn’t great
I won’t be washed away
By a necrotic wave of hate.

I’m thankful that necrotic waves
Are very rare occurrences
And that I’ve found employment
Selling life and health assurances.

I’m thankful to be dealt a hand
Of aces. Just the same
I’m glad I’ve got the self-control
To just avoid the game.

I’m thankful for soft blankets,
The ability to play,
And Naoko Takeuchi,
But not “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

Finally, I’m thankful for
My readers (that means you)!
Happy Thanksgiving from the States,
And don’t forget to chew.

1 Comment

Filed under Poems, To the Reader

The Bag and Pipes

I’ve been told by friends of mine
That I have no filter
Because I saw a naked Scottish man
And said he was “off-kilter.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Some Are Born Heroes…

An evil tree from outer space
Wanted to kill the human race.
It grew up in the middle of town,
‘Til old man Wiggins cut it down.

And for the townsfolk life went on,
Unknowing that a threat had gone.
This true story goes to show
It’s what you do, not what you know.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

He Chased Wild Geese

Did you hear the tale
Of the bulldog named Krupp?
If you have, crazy huh?
If not, look it up.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Research and Development

The creators of “My Little Pony”
Have created a product for boys.
It’s fire truck red with side-mounted guns
And seventeen makers of noise.

The company calls it “My Big-ass Horse.”
In thirty-eight countries it’s banned,
Including America, which is why
I’m moving away to Japan.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Portrait of the Fuehrer as a Young Man

“Look, a bird!”
The banker said
As he pointed high
Above my head.

There was no bird;
It was a ruse.
That’s probably why
I hate the Jews.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Fluffy, White

Have you ever looked up at a cloud
And spoken of its looks aloud?
“That one looks like Canada.”
“I thought it looked like a pelican. Huh.”

It’s a childish game, I guarantee
But play it once to help you see
That a childish game just once a day
Makes fluffy and white what once was gray.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

The Path Less Trav’l’d

Perhaps people purposefully
Alienate alliteration,
Prob’ly ’cause they tried it once before.

Then they found abbreviation
Which is sup’r fun and simpl’
And they switch’d allegiances forev’r mor’.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems