When I moved into
The mobile home park
I thought my life
Was turning dark,
But I found pleasure
As I sought paying labors
In the form of melo-
Dramatic neighbors.
If you say “hello”
They say “Hail traveler!”
You say “I like Charizard,”
And they say “I love Graveler!”
It’s like they’re in a movie,
So although my life’s a failure
I take solace in the fact
They’re a theatrical trailer.
Filed under Poems
“If I were a pickled spleen
Kept in a jar for 30 years
Charged with electrical current
In a chamber full of your darkest fears,
Then released from the jar on a Sunday
And carried overseas by some birds
To attend celebrations in Istanbul
Would you still kiss me afterwards?”
Filed under Poems
Brute strength can’t do everything.
Stamina has limits.
Despite how hard you try
Not every couplet rhymes.
You can lose your focus.
You can lose your mind.
Life might not gives you lemons,
And maybe not even limes.
Sometimes you write two stanzas
Before you realize
That you have no conclusion.
But you don’t want to erase.
Sometimes you write “you”
When referring to yourself.
Next time you write this poem
Instead use “what’s your face.”
Filed under Poems
I have posted poems
271 days straight,
So you’d think by now I’d have one
Before the clock hits 8:00.
Well here it is, as promised
Though it clearly lacks a point.
By night fall my creative brain
And rhyming brains are spent.
Filed under Poems
The inner critic smiled
as I erased another line.
“You won’t write a poem about that!”
I heard the invisible @€#*~}! whine.
So instead I wrote this poem
Inspired by my critic.
Sometimes you have to do that stuff,
Even if you become arthritic.
Filed under Poems
You see a male bovine stand
At the corner of main street and sunny
Saying Hello, my name’s Bull A.
“May I please have some money?”
So you give some cash to the bum, Bull A,
When around the corner you do see
A second bull, begging for honey
And you know that he is Bum Bull B.
Filed under Poems
If go to the sign of the naked duck,
You’ll see some gals you want to befriend.
If you feel that you could use a suck,
There’s a vacuum shop around the bend.
If you want to get more “bang” for your buck,
I got a place for you, bub.
It’s a little place called the “Cluck cluck cluck,”
‘Cause it’s a chicken-strip club.
Filed under Poems
(-: Not so much a poem, but I’m tired, so shut up. 🙂
“I’m going to flatten you like a parabola divided by the independent variable!”
“Your heart’s going to flatline like y=c, where c is a constant!”
“I’m going to hit you with a common log, naturally.”
“Your instantaneous rate of change is going down!”
(-: Yes, I’m that tired. Damn college! 🙂
Filed under Uncategorized
,kcolb s’retirw evah I syad emoS
.hturt eht si tahT
,hguoht smeop tsop llits I
.htuocnu semitemos er’yeht hguohT
meop siht etirw I yadot woN
.esruoc fo, sdrawkcaB
.ti daer nac uoy epoh I
.esroh a no m’I
Filed under Poems
Roses are red,
Violets are purple.
If you’re seeking bad poems,
I’ve got a curple.
Roses are red,
Violets are not.
But they share one addiction:
They can’t live without a pot.
Some roses are red,
Some roses are white.
I forget about violets,
But nobody gives a s***.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 