Category Archives: To the Reader

Happy Birthday Mom!

By my sister you first became “Mother.”
Then you made me, the brother.
Dad helped with that too, and how-do-you-do,
We’re a family like no other.

But this family really started
When off your mom was carted
To the delivery room, then bang-clang-kerploom!
From her body you departed.

And so this day we do
Take time to celebrate you.
Not with cheap paper hats (we are cooler than that’s),
But with a birthday choo-choo boogaloo.
(Figuratively speaking).

So whether weather is warm or cold,
You we will will hug, kiss, and hold.
So have a wonderful year, and just to be clear,
Our love for you never grows old.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems, To the Reader

Thank You!

I have great news
To share with yous.
(That’s the travesty plural of you).
We’ve hit a milestone
Of our very own.
Our followers are one hundred and two!

Many thanks to you,
Who make dreams come true,
This blog’s no longer B-team.
I thank my stars
For “Monkey Bars.”
Acceptable this I do deem.

So what does lay
For the future day
Of the Daily Travesty?
Quite possibly
Philosophy
And more humorous stuff by me.

And around the bend,
Near the end
Of the year 2013.
I may just have a book,
So come back for a look.
‘Twill be something to be seen.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems, To the Reader

Perfect

Once again I write to you,
As this poet is prone to do,
To try to change the point of view
That nobody is perfect.

So close your eyes and breathe in.
Then open them so you can read again.
Here’s my theory. There’s just one sin:
The judgement of imperfect.

“You fail, she’s ugly, he’s vulgar, I’m bad.”
According to what? Why make yourself sad?
Life is happening as it always had.
Life is always perfect.

“Why is there evil? Pleasure and pain?”
“Why is there sadness, which falls with the rain?”
Why think these thoughts? What do you have to gain?
Instead, think “This is Perfect.”

Now maybe I’m wrong, and life’s simply crappy.
Maybe you enjoy being unhappy!
You think (with good reason) this poem is sappy.
I accept those reactions as perfect.

But I hope you’ll at least give this viewpoint a try.
This change in your thinking brings blue to the sky.
You will watch your blessings multiply.
Smile! Why not?
You’re perfect.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems, To the Reader

P.H.I.L-osophy

 

I believe not so much in theology.

I have very little interest in geology.

But I do have a very unique philosopy,

And I’d like to share it with you.

 

I call this philosophy, appropriately, “Phil,”

For that is an acronym of the initials

Or the four central pillars, make of them what you will:

I hope they will apply to you.

 

P is for positive,

Which is often a pain.

It means to refrain

When you’d like to complain.

When you want to criticize, simply abstain,

And you’ve mastered the first part of “Phil.”

 

H is for happiness,

Which is no more than a choice.

When the world offers bad things, listen not to the voice

Which would make you be said, but instead make the choice

To be happy, and you’ve mastered more “Phil.”

 

I’s for integrity,

A hard word to rhyme.

It means to be honest, and refrain from crime.

Do what’s right, even if it’s hard, and do so every time,

And you’re almost done mastering “Phil.”

 

And L is for love.

It’s predictable, yes.

It’s very important, or so I should guess.

Everyone loves someone, or something, to death;

Love everyone like them, whether Elmer or Tess.

And thus, we finish Phil.

 

Choose to be positive, and give folks a chance.

Choose to be happy, regardless of circumstance.

Say what is honest and do what is right,

And love every person.  That is “Phil.”  Good night!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems, To the Reader

My (Almost) Big News!

Yesterday, an amazing thing

Almost happened to moi!

As the French would say, I almost was part

Of a menage-a-troi.

 

I was missing only one small thing

When all was said and done.

But I didn’t mind.  I found it fine,

My little menage-a-one.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems, To the Reader

Vacation

Dear readers, I am sad to say

(Not actually, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this, but pretend it’s a genuine concern)

That commencing tomorrow until this Sunday

(Unless I decide to start earlier, in which case please disregard this post altogether)

I will put on hiatus these travestays

(For sake of the rhyme, spelling may have been altered)

‘Cause I’m tired, and could really use a va-

(You know what comes next).

Hope you understand, and I’ll be back in the plural of day.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems, To the Reader

Life and Pain

Think back to your birth, whenever that was.

You cannot remember it, so I’ll help.

You came into this world in blood, because

That’s how nature works, and you gave a yelp.

 

You were spanked by a doctor, and you cried.

Most people were suitably indifferent.

But if not for hurtful things, you’d have died.

Now I hope that, to you, life looks different.

 

Every person in your world’s a doctor.

They hurt you, and pull you from your mother.

But all of them, life to you do proctor;

Treat them not badly, but as a brother

 

Life comes in many forms to us, so smile.

Joy lasts forever, pain but for a while.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems, To the Reader

Birthdays

Today’s my birthday.

I don’t feel like writing much.

Thus, this haiku post.

4 Comments

Filed under Poems, To the Reader

Parenthood

The most important thing you do

As I parent I expect

Is naming your child in a good way,

So they will live a life that’s correct.

 

If your last name is “Handbasket,” don’t name your kid “Helena.”

If your last name is “Cummins,” don’t name your kid “Dick.”

If your last name is “Cox,” don’t name your kid “Maya.”

If your last name is “Shaw,” don’t name your kid “Rick.”

 

If you do these things, your child will be fine

As long as when your pregnant you don’t drink too much wine.

 

2 Comments

Filed under Poems, To the Reader

The 100th Post

Dear readers, I am pleased to say

That on this wildly average day

I post this poem here for you.

It’s my hundredth post.  Yes, it’s true!

 

I’ve talked of love and monkey bars

And written some terrible stuff about cars.

But today I write another note to you

To give my thanks, and ask something too.

 

What is it you like about

This blog right here?  Just shout it out!

Do you prefer the parodies?

Do you prefer the melodies?

 

Do you enjoy the serious stuff,

Or do you prefer the puns and fluff?

Is there a poem you wish you’d seen?

I want your preferences to glean!

 

So please let me know what you think.

And I’ll continue to write and dink

On this forum for all to see.

I’ll be back tomorrow, so thank you.

-Me

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems, To the Reader