Tag Archives: Celebrities

Celebrity Weddings

With persiflage they pledged

To be true what was alleged.

With mockery they both

Laid down their sacred oath.

She had money on the mind;

He had eyes on her behind.

Thus, with one all-sealing kiss

Began six days of wedded bliss.

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True Love? Oh Baby!

I saw her in a Pampers ad

During some mindless family show.

I’d not ’til then fallen in love

But that’s the way things go.

I loved the sunshine in her hair,

The drool upon her chin,

The way the super-absorbency

Accented her alabaster skin.

I called the network, desperately

Seeking to find her name

But I couldn’t connect with anyone.

My only other option? Fame!

I scored a role in a ketchup ad,

Then became a multi-roler

When I starred as the kid who modeled

The Cadillac B-90 Stroller.

I was the hottest babe in Hollywood,

Beloved for being small,

Yet still I’d not connected with her

For whom I’d done it all.

And so my heart goes on and on,

Never to bestill.

I pray I’ll play beside her,

The Jack unto her Jill.

Until that fateful future day

I spend my nights alone,

Just me and my beloved

Via Youtube on my phone.

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Because There Are No Celebrities Named Cow

I have a pet dog

Named “Bounty Hunter.”

I have a pet cow named “Hog.”

I’ve got to say

It’s easier

To find a good name for a dog.

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Totally The Feelings Of Someone Else (Who Isn’t Me) For Margot Robbie That Are Probably Exaggerated And Definitely Not Mine… Probably

Margot, Margot, Margot Robbie:

You make me want to go and see

A film I likely won’t enjoy

‘Cause you are you and I’m a boy.

Margot, Margot, Margot Robbie:

Watching you is my new hobby.

Your hair, when styled in tails of pig

Makes my… heart… grow twice as big.

Margot, Margot, Margot Robbie:

You’re my favorite celebrity since whoever played Dobby.

The only thing more beautiful in my eye

Would be a reboot of Firefly.

Margot, Margot, Margot Robbie:

You’re hotter even than wasabi.

This poem’s a joke written for you.

Yes, I’m a Joker, so love me too!

Margot, Margot, Margot Robbie:

Not being with you makes me sobby

But in the unlikely event you won’t be my vixen…

Shailyn, Shailyn, Shailyn Pierre-Dixon.

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