Someday we’ll have peace on Earth.
Someday lemons will be sweet.
Someday men might just give birth
And there’ll be no character limit to what you can tweet.
Someday congress will banter politely
Instead of picking a bone.
Someday you’ll get eight hours of sleep nightly,
And a girl will go to the bathroom alone.
Someday governments won’t be so crappy,
And perhaps they will fix all the roads.
Someday the world will embrace and be happy,
Eight minutes before the sun explodes.
Filed under Poems
Yesterday we witnessed
The biggest day of sports,
Which makes all the cups and series
Completely out of sorts.
It had been hyped for months
By that unbiased ad
Run by one guy, who says the other
Is really, really bad.
In yesterday’s match, two teams
Faced off to see just who
Got the pleasure of controlling
Their State, Country, and You.
The elephants and donkeys
Kicked and spat and grrred
And threw mud at each other
As if mud were an angry bird.
And then the fans arrived
To dance around the polls
While others searched on Google
For nearby grassy knolls.
The match begins! The ballots flow!
Single lines are drawn!
Proposed measures are considered!
The game continues on.
And at the end both teams will claim
That it is they who won the game.
Then it’s done; That’s all she wrote.
Aren’t you glad you got to vote?
September is the season
For cutting firewood
To heat the house in Winter
And promote a higher good.
We celebrate this season
With a fancy holiday rite
To celebrate the workers
Who still have to work despite.
After that it’s back to school
Where children go to rust
And the college students follow
Because society says they must.
And then their comes my birthday,
A special day for I,
And then comes Fall and October
As one more week goes by.
So make September awesome
And make sure you don’t wear white.
Happy Labor Day to all of you
And a joyful Labor Night.
Filed under Poems
The exodus begins
When the conversation slows.
The first woman says “excuse me,
But I must powder my nose.”
The second woman joins her,
And the rest set in pursuit,
Ensuring the washroom diaspora
Never will be rendered moot.
Meanwhile, the men keep eating
But they cannot help but smile,
For through their lull in conversation
They’ve earned silence for a while.
They ogle other women
And they think about their cars
And how women would be better
If they also came from Mars.
And once the ladies finish
Their powdering and gossip
They go back to the table
Where they face a brand-new toss up:
They can keep on talking
Or be silent like the men.
Thus the guys pretend to listen
‘Til conversation slows again.
Filed under Poems
Good morning Meesis
And good morning Meester,
And good morning meez for the feminists,
And Happy Easter!
It’s a day we celebrate
Jesus’s resurrection
With oviparous rabbits
And a sugar injection.
So hunt for those eggs
And hunt for that profit
And remember the Lord,
Our savior and prophet
And offer a prayer
For that great plastic hen
Who’s had her eggs stolen
Over and over again.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 