Tag Archives: Election

Happy Election Day!

Today, America extends a query

To test the ever-popular theory

And forever end the debate

About whether love is stronger than hate.

We’re given two men with no virtues to note

And told it’s important to go out and vote.

One choice is to vote that you love Barron’s dad,

Or else just to vote that you think “Orange Man Bad.”

As for the white guy who’ll earn half the votes

Who creeps people out and has quotable quotes…

One guy will win, half the nation will cry,

And celebrities still won’t move to Canada… sigh.

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Maybe This Is Why That Sub-Genre Is Dead

You know Jumanji,

Zathura and such –

Those movies where board games

Get to be a bit much?

I think this election

Is the Jumanji-equivalent

Of Monopoly, where rich people

Make voters ambivalent.

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And The Results Aren’t Even In!

Tonight in America…

All I’ve got to say

Is that yesterday’s poem

Is fading farther away.

Okay, I lied.

Either way four more years

Of falling stock values

And high sales of beers.

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It’s A Metaphor For The Debate, Just FYI

Imagine a beach, sunny and warm.

The air is still, the tide is low.

A sandcastle and a tumbleweed

Wait for when the wind will blow

For with the wind come mighty waves

And so the castle foretells its fall.

The tumbleweed senses the moment when

The winds will answer its lazy call.

A bit of dirt dressed nobly

Collapses as the breezes rise.

A pointless weed will dance with joy

Among the currents of the sky.

A dirty house, an unrooted plant

So come together, sand and weeds:

They may not be what America wants

But the CPD says they’re what America needs.

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It Works For Both Of Them

It’s 3:00 AM

And there’s nothing to eat

So I mudered my neighbors

And fried up their meat.

Then I turned on the news

And what did I see

But “2016 Election Coverage”

And a picture of me. 🙂

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Election Years

Do you feel the suction,

The all-consuming swirl

That spins you round and round

Until you have to hurl?

No, it’s not a whirlpool,

Tornado, or typhoon.

It’s the suck of the political ads

Headed your way soon.

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Yesterday we witnessed
The biggest day of sports,
Which makes all the cups and series
Completely out of sorts.

It had been hyped for months
By that unbiased ad
Run by one guy, who says the other
Is really, really bad.

In yesterday’s match, two teams
Faced off to see just who
Got the pleasure of controlling
Their State, Country, and You.

The elephants and donkeys
Kicked and spat and grrred
And threw mud at each other
As if mud were an angry bird.

And then the fans arrived
To dance around the polls
While others searched on Google
For nearby grassy knolls.

The match begins! The ballots flow!
Single lines are drawn!
Proposed measures are considered!
The game continues on.

And at the end both teams will claim
That it is they who won the game.
Then it’s done; That’s all she wrote.
Aren’t you glad you got to vote?

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