Tag Archives: Evolution

We Should Have Said “Stay…”

In the beginning the wolves roamed the wild

Just eating the grazers and sometimes a child.

Then some stupid human said “Fluffy! Yoohoo!”

And he started to breed them for me and for you.

The first were domestic and strong, fast and loyal,

A dog for the brave, whether peasant or royal.

They had names like “Fido,” “Apache,” and “Spike,”

And they pooped where they wanted and liked what they like.

But soon came some others, and not for the better:

They came with free handbags and even a sweater.

These dogs were called “Floofums,” “McTwinkle,” and “Cheese,”

And maybe they’ll sit if you nicely ask “Please?”

Soon we’ll have puppies the size of our phones

Who only chew vegan, soy, gluten-free bones,

And when we accept such weak canines as pets

We’ll know just how low our society gets.

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I Guess The Un-Levered Few Don’t Reproduce As Much

Somewhere around the first year ever

Somebody pulled a very wrong lever

And installed in the heads of the humans to come

What, on paper, looks brilliant but is really just dumb.

When man 1.0 emerged from the ocean

At the dawn of all time he was filled with the notion

That life as he knew it as far as he could see

Was something to be taken seriously

And a serious life, as he deemed at that time

Was to have the most wealth in the light of the lime.

So man 1.0 went on to fight wars,

To invent Gods and whiskey and sliding glass doors

Each sincerely believing his life was endowed

By something that made his life special somehow.

And meanwhile the malfunctions who wanted no power

Would sleep in on Sunday and sing in the shower

And wholeheartedly laugh at the hard-working host

Knowing he who wants least will end up with the most.

And so it continues by chance or by fate

That despite each progressive human update

The lever once thrown has not yet been undone

Thus why so many people have so little fun.

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Natural Selection

The eagle sat at the tiptop

Of a cedar tree, casually preening.

The raptor had no conception

Of how the awkward arbor was leaning.

The tree had spent many hours

Under the whip of the weather.

It gave in that day, but the eagle did stay,

Saying silently “just one more feather.”

That eagle dropped seventeen stories

Without even the thought to take wing,

So focused on ridding his feathers

Of that one ugly, hard-to-reach thing.

Thus died the last beautiful eagle

And the fashionable avian gene.

That’s why eagles today are so ugly,

And really don’t like to be seen.

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