I filed for evil bankruptcy
Just the other day.
Changes is technology
Have driven business away.
No one buys poison apples
Or spinning wheels in any form.
When they want to put a princess to sleep
They just use chloroform.
Tag Archives: Humor
Evil needs money too
Filed under Poems
Ping Pong (My Secret Advantage)
Ping pong would be a noble game
If at it I was not so lame.
As it is, I can’t respect
Those who ping and pong objects.
That being said, I’d like to be
The best table tennis player you’ll ever see,
And so for sake of peace of mind
I’ll play ping pong with the blind.
Hit the Road
Her eyes were like headlights
Aglow in the rain.
Her lips were white lines
Guiding me into her lane.
Her body was the horizon
Towards which I would steer,
And her words said to me
“There’s no speed limit here.”
I pulled up beside her
And hoped I looked good,
Intending, I confess,
To get under her hood.
I subtly honked
As I pulled up beside her.
“What’s your name, darling?”
Then someone walked up beside her.
“She is Alexis,”
The newcomer smiled
In that very free way
That was driving me wild.
“And I’m her twin sister,
And my name is Portia.
We’d like to leave town,
But we don’t want to force ya’.”
And so we departed
From that little town,
Just me and two ladies
With the windows rolled down.
Some days you blow out,
Things don’t go like they should.
Other days, like today,
Life’s pretty darn good.
Filed under Poems
Height-Engine Proportional
Today I bought a scooter
And I terrorize the streets
With my two horse power engine
And my giant 4-inch meats.
I’ve got a pseudo-leather jacket
And like Louisa May Alcott
I’m looking for little women
Who think little men are hot.
Filed under Poems
Summer Vacation: Episode One
Summer is here!
It’s official this time,
And with it comes sun
And coconut drinks with lime
And pina coladas
Being caught in the rain,
And I’m stuck in this airport
And late is my plane.
Everything’s Better with “e”
I don’t like to caugh,
But I like coffee.
I don’t know what “toff” is
But I sure do like toffee.
I’m not thrilled by chewing,
But I like Han and Chewie,
And if you understand the above
I might just like you-ee.
Filed under Poems
The B.A. Blues
My eyes water,
My arms sweat,
When I see
My Bernadette.
My tongue goes numb,
And I can’t feel my face
When I see
My lovely Grace.
My feet itch,
My buttocks yawn
When I see
My darling Dawn.
I think that college
Did this to me,
‘Cause I’m a bachelor
In the first degree.
Filed under Poems
Medium Joey
Little Joey always hoped
He’d grow up strong and tall
And be the smartest in his class
And good at basketball.
Sure enough he got his wish
But his face still held a frown,
‘Cause now big Joey was a man
Who wanted to grow back down.
Filed under Poems
Finance for Dummies
People like having money
And they like buying things,
But choose one of those passions
And the other gets lost.
Until now, that is!
Now you can live like kings
With the finest of fashions
And none of the cost!
(Trumpet Fanfare)
I present to you the credit card!
A source of endless joy
That gives you all that you desire.
Just swipe your tears away!
And if you use the whole thing up,
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!
You’ll the friendly screeching tires
Of some bankers making sure you’re okay.
Filed under Poems
Boy, Was I Wrong!
I need an extracurricular,
And I want to score a date.
I can kind of throw a football
Or throw balls past home plate.
I’m tall enough for hoops,
And in soccer I am grand,
But the greatest sport for getting girls
Has to be marching band.
Filed under Poems
