If you think you need
To drive a faster speed
When your car’s ahead of mine
Then all is good and fine.
If you would go faster
When behind me, I’m your master.
Yes, that makes me a jerk
But oh boy does it work!
Tag Archives: Driving
Road Trip Anthem
Today I took a little drive
That did not make me smile and thrive.
I’d summarize the sojourn thusly:
Worthy of a verbal cuss. We
Stopped and go’ed, and go and stop
Now let’s go 80! Was that a cop?
Nope, no cops are on the road
And why can’t that Kia explode?
Also, props to the white car chap
Who had a kitty on his lap.
Those are hours, forever gone
And meanwhile Kia guy lives on…
Filed under Poems
World Peace, Step One
I saw a guy driving today
Who had a sign in their back window:
“Please stay back,
“New stick shift driver.”
I’m putting that in the back window
Of every car I buy
From this day forward.
Filed under Poems
#LookBothWays
I saw the golden headlights
Driving towards me in the rain.
I heard the tires squealing
And the brake lines shout of pain.
I smelled the burning rubber
And sensed the car careening
As I changed my Facebook status
So my life could have some meaning.
Barely Illegal
Going twenty-eight in a twenty zone
While casting glances at his phone
With his lap belt fastened but not his shoulder
And an open bottle of water in the holder.
He drove on through a yellow light.
He flashed no signal but still turned right.
He’s of a group of scofflaws such
Who’ll break the law, but not by much.
Filed under Poems
Disaster in Orange Grove, AKA The Justified Swerve
Two 18-wheelers,
Thirteen sedans,
Four snow-white horses,
And a biker named Hans:
That was the death toll
Today in Orange Grove
When I noticed a spider
On my leg as I drove.
Filed under Poems
But I mean Well
I’m the type of friend
That gets called at 3:00 AM
By a buddy in a ditch
Needing someone to help them.
I’m the type of friend
Who will drive a hundred miles
At 90 miles an hour
To see tears turn into smiles.
I’m the type of friend
Who hits pedestrians
Because I do not sleep.
Yep, I’m that type of friend.
Filed under Poems
Driving Home
Today I returned home from my vacation in Portland, OR. The following are a few poems I thought of over the six hour drive when I should have been avoiding pedestrians:
Feel free to tailgate my ass,
But the more you press, the less I gas.
The sooner I’m back
In Oregon
The sooner your drivers
I can deplore again.
Filed under Poems
Today I returned home from my vacation in Portland, OR. The following are a few poems I thought of over the six hour drive when I should have been avoiding pedestrians:
Feel free to tailgate my ass,
But the more you press, the less I gas.
The sooner I’m back
In Oregon
The sooner your drivers
I can deplore again.
Filed under Poems
Driver’s Ed Dropouts
Saw down a tree.
Chop it down with an ax.
Burn it, chainsaw it,
Send it anthrax.
There are lots of good ways
To get rid of a tree,
But hitting it with your car
Doesn’t sound smart to me.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 