If you believe the conspiracies
They’re poisoning our water,
Experimenting with vaccines,
And making brunettes hotter.
But if you would destroy the world
(Or just keep it from thriving)
Is make us always feel the way
We do when we are driving.
Tag Archives: Driving
Over Time, This Is Guaranteed To Reduce Traffic
Instead of red lights
We can just have free-for-alls
At the four-way stops.
Filed under Poems
Line. Breaks. Matter.
As I drive down the highway
I see dozens of signs:
Slower
Traffic
Keep
Right
Right
Lane
Ends
Adopt a
Highway
Litter
Control
And I think to myself
“These sign writers are overdoing the enjambment.”
Filed under Poems
Guess Which One Every ****ing Driver Picked Today, Apparently?
I am driving down the street
In two-thousand pounds of speeding death.
I can watch the road ahead
Or answer a text from my buddy, Seth.
Filed under Poems
Volume Also Increases In Proportion To Said Dumbness
The dumbness of a given thing
Is strongly correlated
With how late I am this morning
And how closely we’re related.
Filed under Poems
Forget Electric Cars… THIS Will Prevent Climate Change
Every GPS should say
“Make a U-turn here for course correction”
On bridges, highways, and the like
To speed up natural selection.
Filed under Poems
Road Trip
I’m a hundred miles from home
And I’m all topped off on gas.
I’ve got four all-weather tires
To propel me past the pass.
I’ve got all my tunes on CD-rom
And 12 donuts ready to bite.
I’m ninety-nine miles from home now
And there’s the check engine light…
Filed under Poems
That Guy In Front Of You’s Philosophy
Red light? Stop!
Green light? Go!
Yellow light? Apparently
That one means “drive real slow”.
Filed under Poems
Road Trip Anthem
Today I took a little drive
That did not make me smile and thrive.
I’d summarize the sojourn thusly:
Worthy of a verbal cuss. We
Stopped and go’ed, and go and stop
Now let’s go 80! Was that a cop?
Nope, no cops are on the road
And why can’t that Kia explode?
Also, props to the white car chap
Who had a kitty on his lap.
Those are hours, forever gone
And meanwhile Kia guy lives on…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 