If the Florida Air National Guard
Gets attacked by a suicidal croc
And they try to assassinate the leader
By using many a Blackhawk
Then discover the croc was Muslim
And they make a movie about it later
I hope they give it the title:
“Hella’copters vs. Allah Gator!”
Filed under Poems
There was a bomb on main street
Set to blow at 5:08
I pulled up at 5:14
Because the traffic made me late.
I had only seconds left
Before the bomb blew me away
An hour later ’twas defused
And I, the hero, saved the day!
Filed under Poems
A guy got an idea
To raise monsters from the dead
And show them to the public
Without approval from the Fed.
It all went wrong and people died;
Observers doffed their hats.
Is this the film Jurassic Park
Or behind the scenes of Cats?
Filed under Poems
Steve wanted to scare me
So he said “Guess what’s groovy?
“In ten years they’ll probably
“Make Jenga: The Movie.”
I wanted revenge,
To give Steve what was due,
So I said, “In twelve years
“They might make Jenga 2.”
Filed under Poems
In a horror movie
A main character will die.
In an animated movie
Someone’s probably going to fly.
In any recent Disney movie
Someone’ll be the token gay.
In a romantic comedy
No one marries their fiancee.
In a movie with a heist
Someone will dance under lasers.
In a movie set at college
The new kid will meet hazers.
In fantasies, a hero
Will be to a dragon born,
And that’s why I don’t mind
When there is not a plot in porn.
Filed under Poems
Hollywood makes movies,
Then they make sequels,
Then they remake them,
And then they make prequels.
That’s how it goes
According to me
So here are some prequels
That I’d like to see:
Schindler’s College-Ruled Notebook;
Leon: The Trainee;
The Lambs Being Noisy;
American History V;
Reservoir Puppies;
Work-Visa Kane:
Wall-D; The Fifth Sense;
Wayne’s Global-Domination Campaign;
The Accelerating and Cranky;
“No Thanks, I Just Ate” Games;
Dragon Ball Y;
“No Bail For Me” James;
2000: Just Earth;
And last but not least:
“Be-Careful-Who-You-Call-Ugly-In-Middle-School” and the Beast.
Filed under Poems
I screamed at the milk carton
“Why doesn’t she love me?”
The milk carton pondered
For a long, long time.
Starring Keanu Reeves.
Filed under Poems
