Tag Archives: Movies

Good Clean American Cinema

If the Florida Air National Guard

Gets attacked by a suicidal croc

And they try to assassinate the leader

By using many a Blackhawk

Then discover the croc was Muslim

And they make a movie about it later

I hope they give it the title:

“Hella’copters vs. Allah Gator!”

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That Climax Be Like…

There was a bomb on main street

Set to blow at 5:08

I pulled up at 5:14

Because the traffic made me late.

I had only seconds left

Before the bomb blew me away

An hour later ’twas defused

And I, the hero, saved the day!

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At Least JP Had Good Music…

A guy got an idea

To raise monsters from the dead

And show them to the public

Without approval from the Fed.

It all went wrong and people died;

Observers doffed their hats.

Is this the film Jurassic Park

Or behind the scenes of Cats?

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Horror Movies

Steve wanted to scare me

So he said “Guess what’s groovy?

“In ten years they’ll probably

“Make Jenga: The Movie.”

I wanted revenge,

To give Steve what was due,

So I said, “In twelve years

“They might make Jenga 2.”

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You Can’t Fail If You Don’t Try

In a horror movie

A main character will die.

In an animated movie

Someone’s probably going to fly.

In any recent Disney movie

Someone’ll be the token gay.

In a romantic comedy

No one marries their fiancee.

In a movie with a heist

Someone will dance under lasers.

In a movie set at college

The new kid will meet hazers.

In fantasies, a hero

Will be to a dragon born,

And that’s why I don’t mind

When there is not a plot in porn.

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Box Office 2020

Hollywood makes movies,

Then they make sequels,

Then they remake them,

And then they make prequels.

That’s how it goes

According to me

So here are some prequels

That I’d like to see:

Schindler’s College-Ruled Notebook;

Leon: The Trainee;

The Lambs Being Noisy;

American History V;

Reservoir Puppies;

Work-Visa Kane:

Wall-D; The Fifth Sense;

Wayne’s Global-Domination Campaign;

The Accelerating and Cranky;

“No Thanks, I Just Ate” Games;

Dragon Ball Y;

“No Bail For Me” James;

2000: Just Earth;

And last but not least:

“Be-Careful-Who-You-Call-Ugly-In-Middle-School” and the Beast.

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Oscarbait 2019

I screamed at the milk carton

“Why doesn’t she love me?”

The milk carton pondered

For a long, long time.

Starring Keanu Reeves.

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