Tag Archives: Movies

Use The Haiku, Luke

I

Two Jedi go find

Slave boy on a desert world,

Blow up space station

II

Slave boy’s all grown up

Turns out there are lots of clones

And a war begins

III

Slave boy kills younglings,

Upgrades wardrobe with a cape

And breathing device

IV

Old Jedi befriends

Farm boy on a desert world,

Blows up space station

V

Farm boy meets his dad.

Talking doesn’t go so well.

Things get out of hand

VI

Crime boss meets his match

And the farm boy saves his dad,

Blows up space station

VII

Desert planet girl

Looks for farm boy far away,

Blows up space station

VIII

What the #%%* was this?

Slow car chase through space, I guess?

Also, farm boy dies

IX

Space girl with map knife…

“Somehow, Palpatine returned”…

Identity Theft…

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Why Is Jaws A Franchise?

So the shark attacked

And killed lots of people who

Went back three more times?

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Formative Experiences

When the film’s PG-13

But there are boobies on the screen

You rule the world as but a teen…

‘Cause the script demanded it, know what I mean?

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Another Inconvenient Truth

If you’re struggling in your career

Give Hollywood a call

Because there’s no script for a 67 movie yet

And they’ll take anything at all.

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How The Mighty Have Fallen

Remember when Pixar had a lamp

That hopped up and down on the “I”?

Now it just asks the “I” for its pronouns

Before movies that don’t make me cry.

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Except They’d All Start Bullying The Dog Because She’s Cute And Blonde…

I think we need an Air Bud sequel

Where the dog plays in the WNBA.

It would bring recognition to the league

And the dog winning makes sense that way.

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Still Better Than JJ Abrams

Did you hear about the filmmaker

Named “Very Clumsy Greg”

Who was famous on the set

For always hurting his leg?

Well, one day during filming

As a scene was to begin

He said, “Lights”, then he said “camera”,

And then he said, “Ack! Shin!”

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Notting Hill

There once was a good-looking chap

Who spilled juice on a movie star’s lap.

They would, then they wouldn’t,

They could but they couldn’t,

And, my goodness, their acting was crap.

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It’s Working, Comrades!

I heard that Disney has discovered

A group of Russian bots

Has left many “Snow White” reviews

All filled with toxic thoughts.

I’m truly flabbergasted

That AI has come so far

As to accurately review a film

That deserves that single star.

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Beetlejuice, Then And Now

In 1988 they made a movie of a couple

Who died driving off a one lane bridge.

They ended up haunting their family home

Because New Yorkers tried to sell their fridge.

They sang a reggae song about bananas

And almost had a wedding with a demon

And then a random sandworm saved the day

And everybody smiled instead of screamin’.

In 2024 they made a movie of a kid

And her parents and grandparents and a cop who is actually an actor, and an ex-wife and some random murdery boyfriend, etc.

They also had a wedding with a demon

Before a random sandworm saved the day

And I’m just wondering why Hollywood

Can’t just make films the 1988 way.

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