Tag Archives: Movies

Zombies in the Movies

I think zombies are romantic

And want to woo each other

With a dinner and a movie

Before they meet their partner’s mother

But the zombies get so busy

With the “having dinner part”

That they never get to see a piece

Of cinematic art.

If we give a discount

To the undead, I suspect

There will be a sharp decrease

In the number of lives they wrecked.

We need to get our zombies

To fulfill their hearts’ desires

So welcome them with open arms

Instead of killing them with fires.

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ENOUGH ALREADY

They made the Joker movie

Where the villain was relatable.

Then they made “Cruella”

And made killing dogs debatable.

And I know that coming soon

To theaters near me

Is a film called “Adolf:

“A young art student’s story.”

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Love You Forever

You know what would be really good

To see come out of Hollywood?

How ‘bout a film where a zombie guy

Sees a zombie gal that catches his eye.

They fall in love, they thrust and moan,

They buy a house without a loan,

And then the local HOA

Tells the two to move away.

Then the zombie couple fights

For many days and many nights

Wave after wave of humans who

Care only for their home’s value.

And after all is said and done

The humans die, the zombies won,

They adopt the human kids as equals

And thus ensure a lot of sequels.

It’s a wholesome tale of why

One’s choice to not completely die

Does not invalidate one’s worth…

Stars Emma Stone and Colin Firth.

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Happy Black History Month

They’re always making movies

About how white culture sucks

‘Cause “white folks are all racist”

And therefor are sitting ducks

To being cast as villains

In movies about the first

All black [insert niche hobby] group.

Isn’t that just the worst?

So I want to make a movie

Set in ye olde Babylon

About the first non-Jewish folks

God didn’t inflict pain on,

Or how about the first straight white guy

Who stayed home to raise his kid

And all the crazy backlash

About the stuff that one guy did?

I’d even take, at this point,

A commercial for insurance

Where a man is dumb and so’s his wife

And you can make your own inference.

And maybe if we all work hard

We’ll live to see the day

That a white guy is selected

To be in the NBA.

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Your Nostalgia Is Complete

I read someone’s list

Of their favorite childhood movies…

The Lion King, Bambi… those types.

If you are its creator

I want to remind you

Of the Microsoft screensaver pipes.

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When A Cackle Goes Too Far…

James Bond was trapped,

Tied up and surrounded,

And here’s what the villain

That James Bond had found did:

He said, “Mr. Bond,

“I expect you to die.”

Then he started to laugh

And eventually cry

Until he heaved silently,

Occasionally snorting,

So deeply amused

By his cliched retorting.

Twelve minutes later

The laughter abated

And the villain said, “Thanks,”

And he no longer hated.

The goons untied Bond

And he left there okay,

And they say Bond and Baddie

Are friends to this day.

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How The West Was Won

There was a guy with short, dark hair

Who lived in the middle of nowhere.

Then a bad guy came to town

And some anarchy went down.

The guy was told about the event

So he spurred his horse and off he went

To meet the jerk who scared the meek

And also the one girl who gets to speak.

A lot of folks will die, of course,

While riding nowhere on a horse.

There will be a fateful fight

Before guy rides off into the light.

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Good Clean American Cinema

If the Florida Air National Guard

Gets attacked by a suicidal croc

And they try to assassinate the leader

By using many a Blackhawk

Then discover the croc was Muslim

And they make a movie about it later

I hope they give it the title:

“Hella’copters vs. Allah Gator!”

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That Climax Be Like…

There was a bomb on main street

Set to blow at 5:08

I pulled up at 5:14

Because the traffic made me late.

I had only seconds left

Before the bomb blew me away

An hour later ’twas defused

And I, the hero, saved the day!

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At Least JP Had Good Music…

A guy got an idea

To raise monsters from the dead

And show them to the public

Without approval from the Fed.

It all went wrong and people died;

Observers doffed their hats.

Is this the film Jurassic Park

Or behind the scenes of Cats?

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