Tag Archives: Superbowl

How To Write A Superbowl Ad

You start out with a robot

That’s been made with CGI

Who says one beer is best

With no compelling reason why.

Next you strip the advertisement

Of anything resembling humor

So you don’t provoke the many

With an “I’m Offended” tumor.

Then say “We love social justice

“So you should buy our calamari”

With the sincerity of a five-year-old

When they’re forced to say “I’m sorry.”

The result’s an advertisement

To appeal to a mob

That hates all corporations

But still needs them for their job.

I hope next year’s Sportsball expo

Doesn’t try to be so “woke”

And the 2020 vegans

Are prepared to take a joke.

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My Superbowl Ad

If this poem were a commercial

Worth four million dollars

It would be filled with puppies

Running free without collars,

Their tongues in fluid motion

Lapping up a river of beer

As a celebrity drives an empty road

While shedding a single tear.

A song would fill the background,

Upbeat, with finger snaps

Sung by a choir homeless children

Wearing “Panthers 2016” caps.

It would have repeated dialogue.

It would have a big impact.

It would be better than what we actually saw,

And that would be a fact.

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Filed under Poems