Tag Archives: Ads

The Occult Circa 2019

If you give a million tiny dollars

To a your own voodoo doll

Do you get full sized money?

To try, give me a call!

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Modern Problems Require Modern Solutions

When you remember your username

But the password you do not

And have to point out stop signs

To prove you aren’t a robot…

I think they should have a youtube ad

And if you don’t click “skip in 5”

They know you are a robot,

Or at least you’re not alive.

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When You REALLY Don’t Have A Shot With Her

I see a lot of ads these days

When browsing on the net

For Calvin Klein’s new underwear

(I haven’t purchased yet).

Since it’s pride month I get these pics

Of models in a bra.

The caption reads “Proud in my Calvins,”

But I read it as “Hell naw!”

I’m curious if, come July,

We start to see some ads:

“Fruit of the Loom: No fags allowed.”

“Target: For guys with ‘nads.”

“Jesus loves Mack Weldon briefs:

“Wear them or be a sinner.”

“Panties for ladies who realize

“Dildos don’t buy you dinner.”

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A Near Miss

I was feeling unfulfilled

As I browsed the worldwide web.

My loneliness was at its peak,

My energy at ebb.

Then I saw an advertisement

That said “Hot Singles Near You.”

I turned on my ad blocker

And was lonely again. Phew!

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How To Write A Superbowl Ad

You start out with a robot

That’s been made with CGI

Who says one beer is best

With no compelling reason why.

Next you strip the advertisement

Of anything resembling humor

So you don’t provoke the many

With an “I’m Offended” tumor.

Then say “We love social justice

“So you should buy our calamari”

With the sincerity of a five-year-old

When they’re forced to say “I’m sorry.”

The result’s an advertisement

To appeal to a mob

That hates all corporations

But still needs them for their job.

I hope next year’s Sportsball expo

Doesn’t try to be so “woke”

And the 2020 vegans

Are prepared to take a joke.

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“I” Pronounced “E,” In This Case Before “Le”

I looked for better deals

For my monthly cell phone plan.

Some offers good, others not,

There was a terrific span.

But the ad from Virgin Mobile

Was the one that caught my eye.

It was a picture of my car;

“Read our name again and cry.”

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My Superbowl Ad

If this poem were a commercial

Worth four million dollars

It would be filled with puppies

Running free without collars,

Their tongues in fluid motion

Lapping up a river of beer

As a celebrity drives an empty road

While shedding a single tear.

A song would fill the background,

Upbeat, with finger snaps

Sung by a choir homeless children

Wearing “Panthers 2016” caps.

It would have repeated dialogue.

It would have a big impact.

It would be better than what we actually saw,

And that would be a fact.

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