Monthly Archives: April 2013

The Monster’s Bad Day

I hide under your bed,
And I listen to you sleep.
I’m a hairy, hungry monster,
And a very scary creep.

I slide from under the mattress
And I long to hear your screams,
But as I lean over your face
My pants year at the seams.

Well I cover up my booty
And composure I regain.
Then I step on a Lego
And my mind goes numb from pain.

I stumble back and bite my tongue
And try to silent be.
Then your eyes flap open
And you take a look at me.

It seems bizarre to you,
So you think it’s a nightmare.
So you fall asleep, and I silently scream:
“This monster’s life ain’t fair.”

So I slink back to the ground
And crawl back beneath your bed.
Tomorrow I’ll do better.
Tomorrow you’ll be dead….

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Thank You!

I have great news
To share with yous.
(That’s the travesty plural of you).
We’ve hit a milestone
Of our very own.
Our followers are one hundred and two!

Many thanks to you,
Who make dreams come true,
This blog’s no longer B-team.
I thank my stars
For “Monkey Bars.”
Acceptable this I do deem.

So what does lay
For the future day
Of the Daily Travesty?
Quite possibly
And more humorous stuff by me.

And around the bend,
Near the end
Of the year 2013.
I may just have a book,
So come back for a look.
‘Twill be something to be seen.

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I’m tired of B-team,
But that’s who I am.
I’m a win-silver human,
A second-place Sam.

I’m tired of B-team,
The farm team, the student.
I’m sick of “you’ll get there.”
“Stick with it.” “Be prudent.”

I’m tired of B-team,
Backup, JV.
I’m ready for bigger,
To live and to be.

I’m tired of B-team,
But I’ll change how I see.
I’m not best at that,
But I’m the very best me.

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I smoked an aspirin once
While I was riding on a train.
I saw iridescent rainbows
And a world devoid of pain.

Then I smoked Viagra,
And man was that a joy!
I grew just like Pinocchio.
I felt like a real boy.

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Technically Accurate

If a necktie were a seagull
And shirts resembled chili,
Then pants look like a beagle
And business men look silly.

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They set up the board
In four neat lines.
The kings they ward
Through strength of minds.

White moves his pawn,
Then black does too.
The game rolls on.
The kings stand true.

First blood is drawn
By a charging knight.
The queen takes pawn,
And bishops fight.

The rook takes knight
Then pawn kills pawn.
Black fights white.
The kings carry on.

After an hour
And a twist of fate,
The queen shows her power
And that’s checkmate.

The players stand.
The battle is done,
And both are winners,
For both had fun.

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Shopping… Of Sorts

If go to the sign of the naked duck,
You’ll see some gals you want to befriend.
If you feel that you could use a suck,
There’s a vacuum shop around the bend.

If you want to get more “bang” for your buck,
I got a place for you, bub.
It’s a little place called the “Cluck cluck cluck,”
‘Cause it’s a chicken-strip club.

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