If two trains depart at identical hours
Traveling towards one another
On parallel tracks, both carrying snacks
For the opposite engineer’s mother
When first they pass one another
At speeds varying by a factor of 5
How long will it take before students
Make their teacher no longer alive?
Somewhere between the lobby
And my destination floor
The elevator chose
Not to move up anymore.
Perhaps the lift malfunctioned
When the console met my fists
But hey, no more classic rock
With jazzy little twists!
On the first day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
A holiday that lasted less than two months
That I didn’t have to hear or see.
He offers a sideways glance.
She says “I have a boyfriend.”
Because of the the few, so many
Potential friendships this way end.
I’ve exercised every day so far!
I’ve been a better lay so far!
I’ve eaten healthy food so far!
I haven’t even been rude so far!
I’ve been cheerful, smart, and nice so far,
And only been driven to kill some jerk who’s not as fit, healthy, sexy, and friendly as me twice…
We found the corners.
We built the edge.
We stuck some ins to some outs,
Then we jumped off a ledge.
Tepid waters of my bath
Invoke in me a primal wrath,
But as I move to strike them down
I’m shown to be a simple clown,
For where I strike, the water bends.
This is where my childhood ends,
For no more baths shall I take.
Instead, I go swimming in a lake.
Grunt and growl,
Hoot and howl:
These sounds are inspired
By the immovable bowel.
Pale morning sun
Rises softly in the East.
Monday again. F***.
Were I to write this poem
Like an academic paper
I would start by saying what I want to say.
I would then go into the body
Of the work in which I write
What I’ve said, but in many different ways.
It goes on like this for a while,
Me saying what I’ve said
And comparing to what others said before.
Then I’d conclude this poem
By summing what I said I’d say,
And that’s why academia’s such a bore.