Every three seconds
An orphan is made,
A war is begun,
Someone doesn’t get laid,
Someone dies of starvation,
A champion strikes out,
Yet whether or not I want pizza’s
All I’m thinking about.
Employment Is Overrated
It’s late
And I’m tired.
That’s what happens
When you get hired.
Filed under Poems
Happy 3.6630137th Anniversary! (Give or Take)
Yesterday I got a badge
From my blog on WordPress here
That said “you’ve made 1,337 posts.”
Of that I’m glad to hear.
I wonder about the programmer
Who came up with that badge though.
Why 1,337 is so important…
Will we ever really know?
Sure, there is 1,000.
There is 2,000 too.
1,500, 999, or even 2,002.
But 1,337
Was the number this guy chose.
Well, thanks for sticking with me
And sharing moments just like those!
Filed under Poems
…And That Proves My Toughness (Or Something)
My Uncle was a pussy.
My Grandpa was a wimp.
My Father was a chicken
And my Brother is a shrimp.
My Cousins are all cowards
And my Nephews are namby-pamby
Just ’cause I’m the guy
Who shot the mom of Bambi.
Filed under Poems
But What Does Salt Smell Like Anyway?
I danced a sappy sort of waltz-
The type that’s rife with lots of schmaltz.
The I passed out, demonstrating my faults.
That’s why I’m grateful for smellingsalts.
Filed under Poems
Chicken Couplets (Guest Poem from S-BC”CAG”BPCTWMYB[P])
By Katy:
Chickens are so much maligned,
But if you look I think you’ll find
That if a chicken lays an egg or two,
That’s much more work than me or you.
When you die it’s with a selfish craze,
But a chicken gives back with a ginger glaze!
And so to chickens you should be kind,
For they seem most helpful to my small mind.
Thanks Katy!
Do you think chickens are great and deserve to be recognized positively via the medium of mediocre poetry? Enter the Semi-Bicentennial “Chickens Are Good” Bad Poetry Contest That Won’t Make You Bald (Probably)!
Get the details here:
Filed under Poems
What’s Wwong With This Stowy?
I’ve been a priest for many years
With all that such entails.
I’ve heard the common people cry
And comforted their wails.
But when a man with a speech disorder came
To church my life got dire
For until then I’d never been
Preaching to the cwier.
Filed under Poems
Saturday, March the Whateverth
You ever have
Those lazy days
Where you do nothing
In all sorts of ways?
You listen to comedy,
Read some books,
Watch youtube clips
Of stupid crooks,
Eat canned meat
And drink whole milk
And critique the jazz
Of Acker Bilk?
‘Til 5:00 PM
You stay in bed?
Me neither. What an imagination
In my head. 🙂
Filed under Poems
That’s Why Babies Look Funny When They Learn To Walk!
If life were like a video game
I think it quickly would get lame
‘Cause everyone would act the same
And people would compete for fame
And money and stuff you’d seek to claim
And maybe you’d love a token dame.
Your repeated failures might cause shame
And you’d be worthy of others’s blame.
You’ll find comfort in a pet to tame
And maybe give it a funny name
Like Blooper, Tweazle, Grumps, or Zame…
Holy crap! Life’s just like a video game!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 