Today I’m going adventuring
To a land without wifi or ceilings.
I’ll sleep in a tent
‘Til my body is bent
Just to not think about business dealings.
The poems from now to this Thursday
Were written Sunday in a blur,
So if you’re not pleased
With poems like these
You have my permission to grrr.
Filed under Poems
Imagine for a moment a world in which the typical person lives about sixteen years before being enslaved by corporate overlords and enduring fifty years of ever-increasing toil simply to stay alive.
In this world there is an individual who has escaped the never-ending cycle of despair, and each day he renews the hope of a few hundred people via moments of free, digitally-published, frequently-rhyming silliness. He is a beacon of cynical optimism, a daily reminder that you don’t have to be perfect (or even reasonably good) to make a difference.
Would you be willing to give 6-12 seconds of your wages to keep the beacon of hope alive?
OF COURSE YOU WOULD!
Well, I have a confession: The in-no-way-a-metaphor-for-this-writer protagonist in the suspiciously-similar-to-real-life fantasy world is actually me! (M. Night Shyamalan, feel free to use this as inspiration for your next film’s inevitable plot twist).
I’ve been thinking about monetizing this blog for a while. I hate ads, and I will never willingly force you to suffer through ads to access this content. Instead of that, I want to give you the chance to financially support me as much or as little as you want via Patreon.
For those of you unfamiliar with Patreon, it’s a membership platform that makes it easy for creators of great stuff to get paid, and gives you (the patrons) some fantastic rewards for your generosity.
This blog has just shy of 900 followers as I write this. If each of you contributed fifty cents a month (less than two cents a day), it would pay my rent for the month. If each of you gave one dollar a month it would almost double my annual income (actually true). [Yes ladies, I’m single]. So if you’re willing to help keep the light of silliness alive in an increasingly dystopian society of “those other guys” for less than the cost of gas station sushi (financially and otherwise), please consider supporting me via Patreon when it launches on September 24th.
Humanity thanks you, as do I.
Filed under To the Reader
Hello readers! Today I’m excited to announce my next book, “Tepid Gruel and other short poems you probably shouldn’t read but will because you’re already looking at this book so, hey, why not?”
Below is the title poem from the book. I hope you enjoy because I’m proud and excited to share it with you and also because I’m very poor and want you to buy the book when it comes out. 🙂
I’m launching a new cologne line
I think is pretty cool
Inspired by the “adequate.”
I call it “Tepid Gruel.”
It smells like tap water, limp white bread,
And past-its-prime shampoo.
It makes a statement, as if to say
“I’m alright… how are you?”
Critics are calling it “fine, I guess,”
“Non-threateningly bland,”
“An understudy’s ideal scent,”
“Inconsequential, thus not panned.”
So if you’re worried you might be liked
Or noticed in a way
Be sure to spritz on some Tepid Gruel
Before you start your day!
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
Good morning to most of my readers!
Good afternoon to the few!
It’s a beautiful day in travesty land,
And I’m going to share it with you.
Today, I launch my book, “America:
“Land of the (Buy One, Get One) Free.”
For those who accepted my promotion,
You’ll soon get a free gift from me.
Here’s a link to the finished product,
Where you can get in in time
For your Fourth of July celebration
And at very minimal dime.
And for my non-American readers,
Thanks for putting up with this post.
You should buy the book too, ’cause it’s funny.
(It’s the truth, not merely a boast).
And for those lovely readers of mine
Who just come here for the funny,
Today’s poem is coming after I am through humming
And hopping around like a bunny.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
Hello Dear Readers. I’m excited to say
That another fine book is headed your way!
It’s 69 pages of unbridled funny,
And for a short time, it’ll cost you no money!
“America: Land of the (Buy One, Get One) Free”
Is a gift to you, reader, from little old me.
You’ll get one free, and the chance to buy one.
Click the “Coming Soon” tab to see how it’s done!
Filed under To the Reader
Hello dear readers, and dear writers too.
Boy do I have some big news for you!
Though this blog does fill my heart
And satisfy my passion for mediocre art,
I’ve decided to take it one step more.
Here is what I have in store:
I call it the Quarterly Travesty,
A publication made by me
That features works of comic strife
That infiltrates everyday life.
The Quarterly Travesty will debut
In September. Now, what’s in it for you:
I’m looking for writers to submit
Your comic creations, and I’ll publish it.
(This is subject to some conditions,
But you probably had such premonitions).
So if you’ve got a poem or two,
A bit of short fiction, comic strip, or cartoo’,
A letter, a joke, or whatever’s funny
That you want to see published, just send it to me.
For those whose comic preferences head
Not towards creation, but to reading instead
I’ll be publishing updates about the e-zine
Right here on the blog, Where it’s sure to be seen.
Please leave your feedback and what you’d like to see.
Your opinions are very important to me.
Thanks all for reading. You guys are the bomb!
(Send your stuff to thedailytravesty@yahoo.com)
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
I have great news
To share with yous.
(That’s the travesty plural of you).
We’ve hit a milestone
Of our very own.
Our followers are one hundred and two!
Many thanks to you,
Who make dreams come true,
This blog’s no longer B-team.
I thank my stars
For “Monkey Bars.”
Acceptable this I do deem.
So what does lay
For the future day
Of the Daily Travesty?
Quite possibly
Philosophy
And more humorous stuff by me.
And around the bend,
Near the end
Of the year 2013.
I may just have a book,
So come back for a look.
‘Twill be something to be seen.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
The Daily Travesty 